[ You and Shouto both refusing to take positive word associations. He's going to cram them down both your throats.
Hearing him say that the thing he found hard was imagining others he cared about feeling that kind of pain though... Allen's expression clears for a moment at that, chin lifting in a quiet sort of surprise. That's... ha. He'd say that makes you kind too, Megumi. Perhaps not kind, like he also perhaps picked the wrong word when calling Shouto considerate, but...
Gentle. You're both gentle people deep down. ]
...I wasn't alone this last time. [ His eyes hood thoughtfully again, pressing his fingers together as he smiles gently. ]
To me... that was the worst part. Hearing them say "don't go" and being in so much pain, but not being able to do anything about it. Even if I knew it was breaking their heart and was only going to be worse after I... went... there wasn't anything I could do to ease that pain. [ Offscreen, he clenches his hands but it only plays out in how his jaw tightens and lips thin for a moment. ]
Even being back here, I still don't know how to ease that pain. Just because death for Sleepers isn't a permanent thing... it doesn't mean there isn't a cost. That people the people we're close to don't still suffer. In some ways it's worse, even if you're there to try and help, because that grief just makes them a target for corruption and can feel impossible to fully stop. A target for suffering even more, and continuing the cycle. Grief just begetting more grief.
[ The more things change, the more they sometimes stay the same. And he smiles ruefully to himself at reflecting on that. ]
Grief like that is insidious. Where I come from, from "before"... it's the thing that just leads to further and further suffering. To what people consider "monsters". [ He shakes his head for a moment. Coming back around, before he smiles gently to Megumi directly. Apologetically. ]
I'm sorry. That's why I was trying not to tell anyone.
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Hearing him say that the thing he found hard was imagining others he cared about feeling that kind of pain though... Allen's expression clears for a moment at that, chin lifting in a quiet sort of surprise. That's... ha. He'd say that makes you kind too, Megumi. Perhaps not kind, like he also perhaps picked the wrong word when calling Shouto considerate, but...
Gentle. You're both gentle people deep down. ]
...I wasn't alone this last time. [ His eyes hood thoughtfully again, pressing his fingers together as he smiles gently. ]
To me... that was the worst part. Hearing them say "don't go" and being in so much pain, but not being able to do anything about it. Even if I knew it was breaking their heart and was only going to be worse after I... went... there wasn't anything I could do to ease that pain. [ Offscreen, he clenches his hands but it only plays out in how his jaw tightens and lips thin for a moment. ]
Even being back here, I still don't know how to ease that pain. Just because death for Sleepers isn't a permanent thing... it doesn't mean there isn't a cost. That people the people we're close to don't still suffer. In some ways it's worse, even if you're there to try and help, because that grief just makes them a target for corruption and can feel impossible to fully stop. A target for suffering even more, and continuing the cycle. Grief just begetting more grief.
[ The more things change, the more they sometimes stay the same. And he smiles ruefully to himself at reflecting on that. ]
Grief like that is insidious. Where I come from, from "before"... it's the thing that just leads to further and further suffering. To what people consider "monsters". [ He shakes his head for a moment. Coming back around, before he smiles gently to Megumi directly. Apologetically. ]
I'm sorry. That's why I was trying not to tell anyone.