[ While Allen might normally have noticed Shouto becoming more lost in thought as the weeks go by, starting in early December his demeanor starts to shift and he becomes increasingly distracted. Uneasy, even if he becomes quick to stitch a smile together and say it's nothing if asked. Because it is nothing, isn't it? He has no good reason for why he should be feeling this anxious.
It gets worse as the month goes by; jumping at unexpected sounds like a dropped utensil, a sudden raucous laugh from someone too deep in their cups on the street. Even at Sanctuary he keeps his quietly observant, guarded demeanor like he might in battle when expecting attack at any moment. At home he generally seems to finally relax, but his nerves are so frayed by that point he's just tired and emotionally drained. It's because something is wrong with Dorothea now too, all her Sleepers are feeling it, starts to become common knowledge and the realization it isn't just in his head doesn't bring him any of the sort of relief he thought it would. He does stop saying that it's nothing if someone catches him acting off, but he does try to smile through it around others. In public.
Shouto is still different, but he also has rare reprieve from the constant screaming of primal fight or flight instincts rattling around in his skull around him and therefore doesn't need to pretend he's fine. He is more fine, even if he also is more subdued in manner than usual. He doesn't even try to sneak snacks as much. Stops spending much of any time outside of the house unless he's going on patrol or something to do at Sanctuary that would be inexcusable to miss. Something he might try to joke about or make light of at first—it's a bit like a proper holiday then, isn't it? Exorcists never really took vacation.
It's hollow and doesn't ring true.
His nightmares, the pain from his left eye that occasionally wake him in the middle of the night, also get continually worse to the point where he usually wakes with a sharp yelp. Something that drives him to go out on patrol on the spot instead of attempting to go back to sleep when he knows he can't—which he sometimes does, after likely trying to sneak out the first time and being caught. Together, with Shouto; something Allen would have protest quite a lot at first. The rest of the time he tries to go back to sleep in order to not make the other stay up and suffer too, although he just tosses about restlessly for several hours then.
So he's frayed and run down by the time Shouto begins to decorate—something that does a complete 180 when he wakes on the 22nd (after Shouto, my god Allen is not a morning person when given the choice and would have only made some irritated sleepy grumbles when he got up) to find him decorating a tree outside the window. He's so dumbfounded and excited he runs out half-dressed in socks and pajama bottoms before realizing his mistake and having to go back inside to dress before he can join him. How dare he start without him!!
He's smiling broadly after that, all attention on monkey-climbing through the branches to get every decoration in the best possible spot. Timcanpy is an invaluable help: at least Allen would insist so. He should probably be tired too, but seems more energized by the day and sits with him when Shouto starts to pass out later after dinner. Stroking his hair with a quiet fondness to help lull him into a gentle sleep, he's in no hurry to move and enjoys this as much as decorating the tree earlier. For the sake of both their backs, he sets up the futon before he passes out too and will be the one to try and carefully scoop Shouto up and carry him in. Even if he is reluctant to move.
Sometimes it just takes a little thing. A sliver of some normal and simple kind of happiness to start to change everything. At some point he asks Shouto, with a bright and pure sort of uncensored quiet joy that rolls off him so very naturally, if he wants to build a snowman later. Which will probably become a snowfamily. He starts laughing again then, and probably tries to correct the expression on Shouto's snowman.
Speaking of baths... he's intrigued by the koi living in the house now and watches as Shouto cleans them with rapt and curious attention (as that water is also far too cold for Allen). But... where are they going to take baths in the meantime? He seems to fret slightly at that.
Tim loves it though. He's going to bobble along amidst the koi like a cork and paddle in circles while they try to nibble on his tail frequently. He does so cheekily close to Kizu and tends to grin up at her when she's also present like he's daring her to join him.
The request to take pictures with an old time camera (something Allen is finally more familiar with!) together catches him entirely off-guard though, even if that isn't such an odd request when one considers how many pictures Allen himself takes ever since being introduced to the fact the omnis can do that, including ones of the both of them where he crowds in close to take it badly at some blurred angle, and how many pictures even throughout the day he might send Shouto of something he thinks he might enjoy or that reminded Allen of him. Tim being cheeky is a favorite. But what it turns out to be...
He probably forgets about the camera and its countdown at some point and gets swept up in the everything of it and being too happy for it to be contained and pulls Shouto in to kiss him. The first all month he's initiated something like that himself, even if he hasn't shied away from reciprocating anything either. Something he'd laugh sheepishly at and apologize for messing up the photo, but later on after they're done and should be heading to bed want to hold on and keep stealing increasingly sweet and needy kisses. Like he's trying to make up for lost time and is tripping over having too much to say.
Christmas morning...
You have no idea how badly he wants to peek in while Shouto re-wraps the presents—except he probably does given how Kizu is standing guard. He pouts at her while he waits, before moving on to set the futon away (and retrieve his own present to give; how dare Shouto manage to sneak out without waking him to set his own out earlier) while he waits. During which time he also makes the discovery of a silver antler ring under his pillow that startles him a little to find. Shouto—? No, antlers weren't his style. There's an energy to it too. Something that resonates like little else does—the connection between patron Pthumerians and their Sleepers.
Ah... Blessed Days. That's right. It's his second here.
He pockets the ring, becoming a little more subdued at that. A bit of background uneasiness, but it fades quickly when Shouto reappears and they gather in the living room and the Favorite Nook this time to unwrap their gifts. Which you had better believe Allen frets mightily that there are three that he got him and... he only got you one?? (Did people normally give multiple presents elsewhere?? He's Victorian; getting a single present from someone very close to you was A Big Deal.)
The card... he recognizes, yes. From Ochako's birthday party, and it might earn a wry look and some Very Polite and Tactful acceptance as he realizes that ah, maybe he shouldn't feel bad that there are multiple gifts. It's something that is sweet and very Shouto, too. That would be his default response—except that his eyes snag on where "birthday" was crossed out and his expression falters lightly. Stilling in faint surprise and it takes him a moment to regain his composure. It snaps back in place as he looks back to Shouto and for one of the first times with him quickly composes a smile and laughs gently, thanking him for it even as something inside him fractures a little. Did I tell you...? No, I don't think I did. But I...
...I think I really should.
The frames just baffle him at first, turning them about this way and that as if to confirm there isn't something he's missing before likely needing to be prompted by Shouto to open the third and final present. Unwrapping it to find the pictures they took the day before--
How early did you get up to do all this...?
He stares down at them at first, words failing him as he quickly thumbs through the pictures and realizes finally what was going on. What Shouto had been planning all along. He's so stunned he almost doesn't hear when he says "Merry Christmas" and just looks up at him, amazed with a gentle sort of awe. You— ]
...
[ To his mild horror, he feels the tears only after they start to fall. And while he isn't one to feel shame for crying, this is not a good time or place for them and he doesn't want Shouto to get the wrong idea. He tries to swipe them aside quickly, a broken little laugh escaping him at realizing just what a wreck he must be and from just...
It's a lot. Everything he's feeling right now, it's a lot. ]
Sorry, sorry... [ His voice warbles and cracks, smiling so bright yet also crying. ] It's my first time really unwrapping presents properly with anyone and I didn't... It's such a thoughtful gift and with everything you've been doing--
[ He shakes his head at himself, trying to rub at his eyes with the wrist of his sweater. Shakes a little, forgetting his own present to Shouto that's been set down next to his thigh. A large and thick poorly wrapped rectangle that looks like it might be a tome of a book. ]
...I'm really happy. [ And I wasn't ready for that.
I wasn't ready for that when I've never been happy for Christmas, and that realization hits home brutally hard.
The tears are coming harder despite his best attempts to stay them and fall in heavy droplets against the frames on his lap. The complex whirlwind of emotions making his chest clench too much to stand so he keeps his head bowed. ]
no subject
It gets worse as the month goes by; jumping at unexpected sounds like a dropped utensil, a sudden raucous laugh from someone too deep in their cups on the street. Even at Sanctuary he keeps his quietly observant, guarded demeanor like he might in battle when expecting attack at any moment. At home he generally seems to finally relax, but his nerves are so frayed by that point he's just tired and emotionally drained. It's because something is wrong with Dorothea now too, all her Sleepers are feeling it, starts to become common knowledge and the realization it isn't just in his head doesn't bring him any of the sort of relief he thought it would. He does stop saying that it's nothing if someone catches him acting off, but he does try to smile through it around others. In public.
Shouto is still different, but he also has rare reprieve from the constant screaming of primal fight or flight instincts rattling around in his skull around him and therefore doesn't need to pretend he's fine. He is more fine, even if he also is more subdued in manner than usual. He doesn't even try to sneak snacks as much. Stops spending much of any time outside of the house unless he's going on patrol or something to do at Sanctuary that would be inexcusable to miss. Something he might try to joke about or make light of at first—it's a bit like a proper holiday then, isn't it? Exorcists never really took vacation.
It's hollow and doesn't ring true.
His nightmares, the pain from his left eye that occasionally wake him in the middle of the night, also get continually worse to the point where he usually wakes with a sharp yelp. Something that drives him to go out on patrol on the spot instead of attempting to go back to sleep when he knows he can't—which he sometimes does, after likely trying to sneak out the first time and being caught. Together, with Shouto; something Allen would have protest quite a lot at first. The rest of the time he tries to go back to sleep in order to not make the other stay up and suffer too, although he just tosses about restlessly for several hours then.
So he's frayed and run down by the time Shouto begins to decorate—something that does a complete 180 when he wakes on the 22nd (after Shouto, my god Allen is not a morning person when given the choice and would have only made some irritated sleepy grumbles when he got up) to find him decorating a tree outside the window. He's so dumbfounded and excited he runs out half-dressed in socks and pajama bottoms before realizing his mistake and having to go back inside to dress before he can join him. How dare he start without him!!
He's smiling broadly after that, all attention on monkey-climbing through the branches to get every decoration in the best possible spot. Timcanpy is an invaluable help: at least Allen would insist so. He should probably be tired too, but seems more energized by the day and sits with him when Shouto starts to pass out later after dinner. Stroking his hair with a quiet fondness to help lull him into a gentle sleep, he's in no hurry to move and enjoys this as much as decorating the tree earlier. For the sake of both their backs, he sets up the futon before he passes out too and will be the one to try and carefully scoop Shouto up and carry him in. Even if he is reluctant to move.
Sometimes it just takes a little thing. A sliver of some normal and simple kind of happiness to start to change everything. At some point he asks Shouto, with a bright and pure sort of uncensored quiet joy that rolls off him so very naturally, if he wants to build a snowman later. Which will probably become a snowfamily. He starts laughing again then, and probably tries to correct the expression on Shouto's snowman.
Speaking of baths... he's intrigued by the koi living in the house now and watches as Shouto cleans them with rapt and curious attention (as that water is also far too cold for Allen). But... where are they going to take baths in the meantime? He seems to fret slightly at that.
Tim loves it though. He's going to bobble along amidst the koi like a cork and paddle in circles while they try to nibble on his tail frequently. He does so cheekily close to Kizu and tends to grin up at her when she's also present like he's daring her to join him.
The request to take pictures with an old time camera (something Allen is finally more familiar with!) together catches him entirely off-guard though, even if that isn't such an odd request when one considers how many pictures Allen himself takes ever since being introduced to the fact the omnis can do that, including ones of the both of them where he crowds in close to take it badly at some blurred angle, and how many pictures even throughout the day he might send Shouto of something he thinks he might enjoy or that reminded Allen of him. Tim being cheeky is a favorite. But what it turns out to be...
He probably forgets about the camera and its countdown at some point and gets swept up in the everything of it and being too happy for it to be contained and pulls Shouto in to kiss him. The first all month he's initiated something like that himself, even if he hasn't shied away from reciprocating anything either. Something he'd laugh sheepishly at and apologize for messing up the photo, but later on after they're done and should be heading to bed want to hold on and keep stealing increasingly sweet and needy kisses. Like he's trying to make up for lost time and is tripping over having too much to say.
Christmas morning...
You have no idea how badly he wants to peek in while Shouto re-wraps the presents—except he probably does given how Kizu is standing guard. He pouts at her while he waits, before moving on to set the futon away (and retrieve his own present to give; how dare Shouto manage to sneak out without waking him to set his own out earlier) while he waits. During which time he also makes the discovery of a silver antler ring under his pillow that startles him a little to find. Shouto—? No, antlers weren't his style. There's an energy to it too. Something that resonates like little else does—the connection between patron Pthumerians and their Sleepers.
Ah... Blessed Days. That's right. It's his second here.
He pockets the ring, becoming a little more subdued at that. A bit of background uneasiness, but it fades quickly when Shouto reappears and they gather in the living room and the Favorite Nook this time to unwrap their gifts. Which you had better believe Allen frets mightily that there are three that he got him and... he only got you one?? (Did people normally give multiple presents elsewhere?? He's Victorian; getting a single present from someone very close to you was A Big Deal.)
The card... he recognizes, yes. From Ochako's birthday party, and it might earn a wry look and some Very Polite and Tactful acceptance as he realizes that ah, maybe he shouldn't feel bad that there are multiple gifts. It's something that is sweet and very Shouto, too. That would be his default response—except that his eyes snag on where "birthday" was crossed out and his expression falters lightly. Stilling in faint surprise and it takes him a moment to regain his composure. It snaps back in place as he looks back to Shouto and for one of the first times with him quickly composes a smile and laughs gently, thanking him for it even as something inside him fractures a little. Did I tell you...? No, I don't think I did. But I...
...I think I really should.
The frames just baffle him at first, turning them about this way and that as if to confirm there isn't something he's missing before likely needing to be prompted by Shouto to open the third and final present. Unwrapping it to find the pictures they took the day before--
How early did you get up to do all this...?
He stares down at them at first, words failing him as he quickly thumbs through the pictures and realizes finally what was going on. What Shouto had been planning all along. He's so stunned he almost doesn't hear when he says "Merry Christmas" and just looks up at him, amazed with a gentle sort of awe. You— ]
...
[ To his mild horror, he feels the tears only after they start to fall. And while he isn't one to feel shame for crying, this is not a good time or place for them and he doesn't want Shouto to get the wrong idea. He tries to swipe them aside quickly, a broken little laugh escaping him at realizing just what a wreck he must be and from just...
It's a lot. Everything he's feeling right now, it's a lot. ]
Sorry, sorry... [ His voice warbles and cracks, smiling so bright yet also crying. ] It's my first time really unwrapping presents properly with anyone and I didn't... It's such a thoughtful gift and with everything you've been doing--
[ He shakes his head at himself, trying to rub at his eyes with the wrist of his sweater. Shakes a little, forgetting his own present to Shouto that's been set down next to his thigh. A large and thick poorly wrapped rectangle that looks like it might be a tome of a book. ]
...I'm really happy. [ And I wasn't ready for that.
I wasn't ready for that when I've never been happy for Christmas, and that realization hits home brutally hard.
The tears are coming harder despite his best attempts to stay them and fall in heavy droplets against the frames on his lap. The complex whirlwind of emotions making his chest clench too much to stand so he keeps his head bowed. ]
Merry Christmas. Shouto, Merry Christmas...