To his credit, Allen does not jump sky high and half out of his skin, nor immediately jump out a window. Or try to smother Shouto with a pillow. All things that, at one point, were highly possible. But the slow nature with which their relationship had progressed, especially physically, gave him time to come to terms quietly with his own feelings and never really hit a true panic wall. Just shy of it and being overwhelmed or hitting a landmine sometimes, but always two steps behind where Shouto's quirk would start to get the best of him first. The conversation was always about that then, not his own much less noticeable internal struggle. It's been good that way. It's let him come to terms with at least some of the things about himself at his own pace, without it ever really having come up as an issue. He's not stupid; he has reasons for being as repressed as he is, most of which exist because it's never really come up. When those reasons are confronted and he realizes they no longer apply, or it feels sillier to try and hold onto them now with how they feel for each other... It's such a strange moment of feeling a pillar of your world shift and change, but he's felt more solid and sure of himself for it.
After all, at the end of the day he always follows his feelings. Trusts in them when often there's little else he can understand. With Shouto, that feeling is I want to be with you and make you happy. And he isn't so naive as to think that was always going to be a perfectly chaste sort of thing. He's far too worldly for that.
That said... ]
Ah! [ Jolting with a squeak, it's only through a secondary realization a split second later that he should stay perfectly still that Allen holds himself rather precariously steady on top of him. Doing that so unexpectedly without any warning... If his ears weren't already on fire from what he was asking. ... wait, what was he asking. O-oh...
Amazingly, the saving grace is that Shouto asks everything so utterly innocently and doesn't have a shred of ulterior motive. Even if Allen still flounders in trying to find any answer at all, only half comprehending the question even, and just finds himself with a cotton mouth. Almost settles his hand over where Shouto has placed his, and then decides rather violently against it. ]
Is this conversation actually real? Because it doesn't seem that way and he's a little lightheaded. But he lets an anxious breath out along with the last illusions he was holding on to, and lets his fingers brush along Shouto's arm lightly. Voice drops, becoming a little softer. ]
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To his credit, Allen does not jump sky high and half out of his skin, nor immediately jump out a window. Or try to smother Shouto with a pillow. All things that, at one point, were highly possible. But the slow nature with which their relationship had progressed, especially physically, gave him time to come to terms quietly with his own feelings and never really hit a true panic wall. Just shy of it and being overwhelmed or hitting a landmine sometimes, but always two steps behind where Shouto's quirk would start to get the best of him first. The conversation was always about that then, not his own much less noticeable internal struggle. It's been good that way. It's let him come to terms with at least some of the things about himself at his own pace, without it ever really having come up as an issue. He's not stupid; he has reasons for being as repressed as he is, most of which exist because it's never really come up. When those reasons are confronted and he realizes they no longer apply, or it feels sillier to try and hold onto them now with how they feel for each other... It's such a strange moment of feeling a pillar of your world shift and change, but he's felt more solid and sure of himself for it.
After all, at the end of the day he always follows his feelings. Trusts in them when often there's little else he can understand. With Shouto, that feeling is I want to be with you and make you happy. And he isn't so naive as to think that was always going to be a perfectly chaste sort of thing. He's far too worldly for that.
That said... ]
Ah! [ Jolting with a squeak, it's only through a secondary realization a split second later that he should stay perfectly still that Allen holds himself rather precariously steady on top of him. Doing that so unexpectedly without any warning... If his ears weren't already on fire from what he was asking. ... wait, what was he asking. O-oh...
Amazingly, the saving grace is that Shouto asks everything so utterly innocently and doesn't have a shred of ulterior motive. Even if Allen still flounders in trying to find any answer at all, only half comprehending the question even, and just finds himself with a cotton mouth. Almost settles his hand over where Shouto has placed his, and then decides rather violently against it. ]
That's, ah... [ don't squirm don't squirm don't squirm...
Is this conversation actually real? Because it doesn't seem that way and he's a little lightheaded. But he lets an anxious breath out along with the last illusions he was holding on to, and lets his fingers brush along Shouto's arm lightly. Voice drops, becoming a little softer. ]
That's... part of it, I think?