⛧ Aʟʟᴇɴ "ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀɪᴇsᴛ" Wᴀʟᴋᴇʀ ★ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likethelight) wrote2019-03-03 09:43 pm
likethelight) wrote2019-03-03 09:43 pm
IC Contact @ Deer Country
< An.Exorcist > Aʟʟᴇɴ Wᴀʟᴋᴇʀ
Text | Video | Voice | Action
( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )
( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )
( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )
no subject
Is he like you then? Someone who hunts down the monsters from his world?
[ Religion has never held sway in his life. He's gone through some of the rituals, attending temples during festivities but it's ritual. A sort of respect, no deep feeling or need to seek absolution from the gods he vaguely acknowledged. ]
The Huntsman shot me out of the sky and I landed at Megumi's feet. [ Luck, chance, it's all the same. ] We worked together after that to trap him in the quicksand.
[ Half of him. The head stayed with Megumi while Shouto with his faster transportation mode deposited his body into the quicksand while Megumi likely buried the head. ]
He has a big heart. [ No one could feel so much for the dead animals the Huntsman slaughtered who didn't. ]
no subject
--but he'd like that, a lot. With a quiet sort of brilliance and a lot more than someone talking about fish should be, and probably try to find out what koi like best so he can bring that. And a glowstick from time to time, when it's in the evening. Just don't be entirely surprised if he gets a surprised blink while watching them swim one day and comments that isn't it a little funny? They're both red and white, like they are. Shouto's hair and Allen's arms. Well, and the reddened scars on the left sides of their faces, but Allen isn't one to point that sort of thing out. ]
Mn, it's similar. He called them "vengeful spirits"; souls corrupted by negative emotions that would cause pain to themselves and others. He'd exorcise them to put them back to rest, so it sounds not entirely unlike the Akuma I would exorcise.
[ He blinks at that admission though, a little surprised. ]
Shot you out of the sky? [ Fretting, there's a lot of it quietly happening in his tone, but that was also a long time ago and Shouto obviously was ultimately alright -- Megumi too. It was around the time they were both stuck in the catacombs and he started to actually get to know him, too. ]
no subject
He pauses in his trek, the trees above coming to standstill. ]
Is Megumi at war too?
[ He nods at the question, still focused on Megumi. ] It hit my ice.
[ Thanks to Kizu slamming him out of the way. She has good instincts, already she's disgruntled that they're talking about that Huntsman. ]
no subject
If you aren't careful he's going to end up half moving back in before either of them realize it. Do you know how happy even the idea of spending time like that would make him. Dumb happy, like legitimately stupid-happy. He might not even feel the need to put a ridiculous amount of sugar in his tea. ]
I... didn't think to ask. I don't think so though, I didn't get the sense he was. [ It was strange, there are some things he seems so hardened to, and others where he isn't. Though perhaps that's not unlike Allen himself, it's just over different things. The bleakness with which he spoke sometimes though, the adamant stance against hope... in retrospect that makes him wonder if Shouto might be onto something. Because that's an attitude he saw in some other Exorcists who had seen too many lost battles.
And-- hit his ice? Good, even if it feels a little silly maybe to be relieved this much later. Allen lets out a small breath anyway and gives a nod at that answer, before continuing. I'm glad. ]
He is someone who fights, though. [ Their battle against the Unsnakely proved that much, and even if it hadn't the other boy's instincts in life or death situations scream someone of someone used to putting their life on the line, especially when their age. (Mostly? He kind of figures Megumi is older.) ]
no subject
The only way this dense fool would realize it is if someone pointed it out to him. If that happened, he'd straight up ask Allen if he wants a futon of his own, and offer to go futon shopping with him.
He nods at the assessment. Allen is good at gauging people. He watched him for a whole month interacting with every kind of person on the streets, in the shops, and everywhere else he went. He always knew how to talk to people, so he trusts his assessment without question.
It helps that he's interacted with Megumi before. Met him on the boardwalk when he first arrived, lost and ready to snap at a provocation. Later, when he fought alongside him, Shouto formed his own opinion separate from Allen. It helps him now, in dissecting that statement, through his own lenses. ]
He's a lethal fighter.
[ He comes from a completely different world than Allen and Megumi. There are no monsters to fight where he comes from, only people. Villains are lethal fighters. They're the ones heroes take down. But sometimes, Heroes also kill, blurring that line, forcing society to spin a story to correct the narrative. There's a reason why Shouto is in conflict regarding his brother (Touya vs Dabi), and why he misunderstood what Allen did to that Akuma. In his eyes, he killed it. Even if it killed those people, that kind of end isn't something he'll ever be able to deliver, not knowingly. Knowing what Allen was doing, cleansing instead of killing, was imperative in his understatement of him. A missing piece he didn't get until after he returned from the dead. If he had known back then... he shakes those thoughts away. That line of inquiry never led anywhere good.
Here too, with Megumi, Shouto finds himself at the same precipice, with the same questions he once had of Allen. ]
But that doesn't always mean he delivers death. Sometimes, it means cleansing.
[ And therein lies the question he has yet to answer. Which is he? Like Allen? Or Dabi? ]
no subject
And please, as if Allen's much more likely to realize it either until well after the fact. It's just a different brand of idiocy. But boy if someone did and Shouto asked that... he'd get pretty Emotional and fret if that was okay. No promises he won't tear up, he would have before or after Viktor basically suggested the same sort of thing. Did you know he's never been shopping for a bed before? How do you even do that? It's exciting...! ]
Lethal? [ He blinks, startling a little at that. Shouto isn't one to say things that aren't fully substantiated, though he does... misinterpret some things. But this doesn't seem like one of those at all. And it causes Allen to hesitate, weighing that as well. But you see, the thing he wouldn't have explained to Shouto, and hasn't to anyone... ]
In truth... most Exorcists view themselves and how they fight more like that as well I think. At best as a mercy killing, or as destroyers. That there are sacrifices that have to be made, even if it's lives. So I guess that isn't really surprising to me to hear. [ It also fits with that more bleak demeanor Megumi can have. And Shouto might think Exorcists like Allen save because that's how he described it as what he does, but in truth... Allen is the marked exception to the rule. Saving souls is an accidental byproduct the vast majority of people in the world are unaware even happens.
But more telling beyond the brutality in fighting monsters that used to be human, all except for Allen had no qualms at the idea of killing the Noah, who are human. It was an unquestionable necessity to them.
And Allen is quietly sober, gentle in demeanor, but not very happy in admitting that. ]
But he told me he exorcises and wants to do it in order to save people who have become Beasts. "I want to help exorcise as many as I can," he said. [ He repeats Megumi's words to himself as if solidifying that view of him to himself as well. Re-iterating belief. ]
So even if he is a lethal fighter and I don't know if I'm okay with that part of it, if it's like you say... I believe he truly does want to help people who have become Beasts as well and will do what he can to save them. Lives and souls. [ And he sounds dead certain of that. ]
no subject
Ah, yes. Together they make one brain cell. At least when it comes to this. He will be very confused by his reaction and think that he asked him wrong. Why else would he react that way? Funny thing is, Shouto has been shopping for a futon exactly once before. The last time he bought his! He's practically an expert! Don't worry, he'll take care of everything. You just pick the futon you like... that is of course unless you want a western bed then... well, they can navigate that together. ]
A mercy killing is still killing. [ He points out. ] I... [ His mouth presses together tightly, the next words difficult to admit but true nonetheless. ] I considered you a lethal fighter too for some time. Like some of the Hunters, I don't work with.
That's why... [ He swallows, throat dry. ] I thought you were going to kill my brother, as a mercy, and call it justice. But he isn't a monster, he's human, just like you.
[ It was murder in his eyes. The last time someone put one of his brothers in danger, he'd gone Plus Ultra to save him. He kept his head back then, but those were different circumstances and he had back-up, four against one minor villain. Shouto viewed him as a lethal fighter between the time they fought the Akuma and the time he found him struggling to ram his sword through his brother.
He's known so many since joining the Hunters it was merely another layer of complexity to add to their already complicated interactions. He accepted it the same way he accepted things he couldn't change about people, but it left a distance between them that made it easier for him to disengage with him. ]
I don't see you that way anymore.
[ He makes sure to add, looking straight at him through the omni as the night creeps around him, casting him in shadow. ]
You cleanse corruption, you don't cause it. You don't kill.
[ A difficult lesson learned, one that will always stay with him. It's why he doesn't outright lump Megumi with the lethal Hunters. He needs more information before he can fully make up his mind, even after witnessing him decapitating the Huntsman. Allen's description of his powers receives a nod. He's earned the benefit of the doubt from him, and so by his word alone, he marks Megumi as a cleanser, like Allen, instead of a killer like Dabi. ]
I believe you.
no subject
goddamnit you're letting him haggle thoughBut "I considered you a lethal fighter too..." That would hurt a lot, normally. Picking at that doubt and pain that comes from I wish you had trusted me more. But it frames that in a way that makes more sense too, and as Allen's expression flickers and softens at that he rather wishes, yet again, this was a conversation in person. It feels wrong, not being able to reach out. ]
...Exorcists weren't expected to just fight creatures like Akuma. But I wasn't able to kill someone even when I probably should have and he didn't want to give me much choice. Or when I was ordered to. I wanted to save them instead. [ He smiles gently; sad-sweet, but with a genuine warmth and gentleness. With gratitude and understanding. You have a good heart too, and he's sorry you had to carry that as long as you did. ]
No one liked that very much. [ It sounds like it technically should be wry, but he says it with that same painfully gentle smile. ]
It's easy for people to call someone a monster because they are afraid of them or don't understand them, because it makes it easier for them to not care as much or helps justify their actions in their mind, but it doesn't change the fact they're still human. They still feel the same that we do, still hurt and still have things that are precious to them. [ He would have thought the same of Dabi and done the same even if he knew everything he'd ever done. While Allen would technically entertain a mercy killing, if there was truly no way to save the life of someone who had become a Beast and whose soul was actively suffering, if everything was exhausted and there was no way to give them relief... it would break him, but he would understand it in those situations. That is also what the curse of his eye means, seeing the acute suffering of the soul that others don't, and ultimately he believes in stopping cycles of suffering. Beings who are Beasts too long eventually lose their original form and can no longer have their Beasthood reverted anyway. But he also loathes a decision like that with every fiber of his being and would want to find a way first to not have to make that choice.
Thankfully, he hasn't had to make that one yet. ]
It's why I hate that. The idea of a war based on sacrifice. [ In his past life or in this world now, a war on corruption and Beasthood where the commonly understood way is to sacrifice those lives they've already written off as "lost". But his smile softens then, taking in Shouto's projected appearance and determined look before he brings a hand up, fingers gracefully reaching out but stopping just short of touching the image. Something that on the Omni would look like raising his fingers to press lightly against the glass. ]
Thank you for telling me. [ And believing in him now. ]
no subject
The fact is that he's used to having these conversations over the phone. He can't technically leave UA at the moment. They're on lockdown, taking in civilians from the chaos unfolding outside its walls. Lawlessness reigns supreme in his world right now. He's fine with this. He takes important calls while he's out on patrol, looking over his shoulder. The difference is he's used to patrolling the concrete jungles of a modern city, not real ones.
Another sound has him whipping his head around, but Kizu doesn't stir despite monitoring his surroundings. It's only going to get louder. The forest is stirring to life. With more dangerous creatures goes unsaid, but the feeling is there. He nods to seemingly no one. Okay, in a moment. Right now, this is more important. ]
People don't like it when you disobey, but that doesn't make you wrong.
[ The more Allen speaks, the more his idea of him cements itself in his mind. He never had to make the same choices he did, fighting his own organization, being crushed by them, suffocating under their demands. It reminds him of growing up under Endeavor's thumb only Allen had a whole organization to watch over him where he only ever had to endure one person's grand plan for him.
He stares down at the recording, looking at the image of Allen reaching for the screen as if he could reach through to the other side. His thoughts get lost examining his words, not fully grasping the gesture, but he understands the sentiment. His mood grows somber in face of Allen's soft smile. ]
I think... my brother sacrificed himself for his war against my father.
[ So, he understands that sentiment. Hates it. Not Touya, but his choices. He hates Endeavor's unwillingness to acknowledge his son. To admit his part in this destruction tearing their family apart. Hates his own role in all of it. Hates having to face his brother but unlike his father, he won't run away from this fight or hand it over to anyone else. That's why I was born. That's why he has to get stronger, to stop him from hurting himself anymore, but he's still too weak. ]
So... I think I understand what you mean.
[ He nods quietly, the night coming alive around him, while his existence seems to diminish under the weight of what lies before him. ]
Thank you for listening. [ Not everyone does. ]
no subject
"People don't like it when you disobey, but that doesn't make you wrong," gets a small curl of a wry yet grateful sort of smile. No, they don't. Rather, people in authority positions especially hate it and Allen has a bit of a rebel streak when he comes across orders and ideologies he doesn't agree with. When something doesn't seem fair or right. It's nice to hear that mirrored back.
And he's concerned at the increasing night and what must be alarming sounds that keep catching Shouto's attention, but likewise this is an important conversation he doesn't feel he should interrupt. Kizu, like Tim, can sense if there's actual danger after all too. Still, he does wish he was back home already. ]
Sacrificed himself? [ He's a little surprised, sobering at that as he tries to piece that back against what he learned of Dabi -- Touya -- within his soul. The insight he got that was still, admittedly, not the whole picture and out of a lot of context.
He thinks... from what he saw, he might know what he means. But: ]
What makes you say that?
no subject
Authoritative figures oppress through force, then seem surprised when it incites rebellion in the oppressed. Shouto understands that sentiment because he's lived it. Allen's penchant for questioning authority is something he's starting to glean from how he described the Hunters, and it's making him question the path he's taken, but those are thoughts for another time. ]
His body.
[ Shouto doesn't need to know his brother's quirk isn't suited to his body, he can see the self-abuse in the staples holding his skin together and the charred skin that can't cope with the elevated temperatures. Those blue flames are strong enough to cause damage to him. Without his body's extreme temperature resistance, he would have wound up like him. Scorched skin, 2nd degree burns, maybe third. He's still trying to figure out how much damage his brother has caused himself in his pursuit to take down their family. ]
He's sacrificing his body to enact his revenge.
no subject
Hah, the Hunters and authority figures in Trench... one day, he'll tell Shouto about meeting the Wayward Watcher with Sansa. He understands fully how his ideals can seem naïve to some people, but when a leader like that laughs at the idea of trying to save Beasts instead of kill them, laughs people serious about it right out... his blood runs cold with rage. Respect for the Hunters overall? None, it's gone now. He has respect for the individuals struggling to do what's right under that guise because that was him once, with the Order, but that's it.
But that answer gets a blink, remembering something. ]
He kept burning himself when he was younger, too... from what I saw inside his soul. His spirit world. [ The bandages young Touya had. The pained sort of way he had recoiled slightly after showing off for Allen, like his own display of fire had hurt him even before losing himself in his hate. ]
He was so happy at the thought of doing anything that could impress his father that it didn't matter how much it hurt him in the process. It was all he could think about, trying to be someone he'd be proud of.
[ All-consuming, the need of a child for anything resembling even a scrap of love. He understands that, actually, from a very different sort of scenario. One where Allen was actually the very lucky one to find that love, whereas Touya... ]
But it just turned into a rage that consumed him. Literally, with his flames.
[ An all-consuming need becoming all-consuming. When love can all too easily become black hate. ]
1/2
You... saw him? When he was younger?
[ The sounds of the forest dull within the background of his mind, his mouth opening slightly, eyes wide at the tale. He remembers Touya when he was younger, a small and thin figure among Fuyumi and Natsuo. The one Endeavor never let him near, so he became the one Shouto focused on, begging his father if he could play with him just for a little while. ]
2/2
I know that rage. [ He looks off-camera, thoughts so very distant. ] We're responsible for it; our family.
no subject
Mn. [ He hesitates a touch, though he also smiles faintly at that response, sad-sweet.. ] He had to be 12 or 13 I think... It's hard to understand the importance sometimes of someone's inner world as an outsider, but... it does reflect the core of us. I think that's what I saw there. [ That's why he stayed and will stay hopeful. That child isn't dead or an entirely burnt-out husk yet.
But he pauses, unsure if he should share as it isn't his secret to tell. But with Shouto looking like that, who clearly just wants to help his brother who is, certainly, someone who does desperately need to be helped somehow... ]
He wanted to be a Hero too.
[ His own expression gentles in concern when Shouto's casts over, brows furrowing lightly at that statement. Endeavor he understood, that was entirely what Touya's obsession had been centered on, but-- ]
"We"?
totally lost this tag
Shouto stops looking at the camera, his thoughts on another time, another place. ]
I don't remember him that well. He was always so far away.
[ A distant figure in his world more a ghost than real. He was too young to remember someone he never met, so the image of Touya stemmed from the picture displayed at his vigil. An apparition no one in their family would speak of, at least not to him, maybe that's why Allen's next admission catches him so off guard.
His head snaps up, and he blinks several times trying to make sense of what he just heard but it falls apart, unable to connect one to the other. ]
He-- he wanted to be a hero?!
[ He can't think past that statement, looking so very adamantly at Allen. His fingers twitch, gripping the device more firmly. ]
But he hates heroes. [ It doesn't make sense?! ]
all good! it happens. still laughing this came from jam
Shouto's surprise catches him a little offguard though, blinking to realize he... didn't know that? Was Allen wrong then? Except, no... that much had been very clear, and his expression flickers for a moment. A touch hesitant, before gentling and giving a small nod. ]
Mn. He was really excited about it, and so happy to show off how much he'd been practicing to someone... He was said he was going to be the strongest. "Someone the world looks up to in awe."
I don't know how much of that was him truly wanting to be something like that though, and how much was just wanting to be noticed by Endeavor. [ "So that... when Dad looks at me... he'll be happy he made me."
That is perhaps one of the saddest things he has ever heard come from a child. So utterly heart-wrenching, and thus why he got the distinct impression it was much, much more the latter. ]
From everything else he said... it felt like perhaps that was the one part that didn't change. Wanting to be seen.
[ "Notice me, Endeavor." ]
who knew jam could be so deadly
Allen... You've told me more than I've ever known about my brother. I want to hear more about him, but it feels like it's something Touya should tell me.
What I want to know is what he's willing to tell me. Even if he never tells me anything, I ... I'd be happy with what he's willing to share.
It's the same way I feel about you.
no subject
He blinks for a moment at that, expression more quiet than surprised. Gentling as Shouto continues on and giving a small nod. No.. he understands that. Honestly he feels uncomfortable being in the position of telling anything he saw in Touya's soul, the only reason he even is... is because of hoping that something from that might reveal to Shouto both what Allen understood from it, and that he might connect the dots with it in a way to actually be able to, one day, maybe pull Touya out of the darkness of "Dabi".
You can reach the part of Touya that Allen couldn't. That's the possibility for saving someone. Of that, Allen is sure.
"It's the same way I feel about you," isn't anything he was expecting though, and for a moment he blinks. Until his expression becomes so very gentle at that, accepting. The corner of his mouth tugging into a warm, slow smile. ]
Mm. I can understand that. [ He gives a small nod, expression fond. ]
It's the same way I feel about you, too.
[ He's accidentally tripped across too many of Shouto's landmines in the past. The ball is more in Shouto's court there about anything he wants to share about himself. ]
no subject
It helps that he knows Allen's intentions are good, even if he feels it's something he needs to figure out for himself because he has no intention of running away from it like his father did. He'll face his brother. Good or bad, he won't turn his back on him. Or anyone else that matters to him.
He's never been one to pry into others' lives. Now that he thinks about it, the reason is obvious. Shaped by his experiences, he's quiet than most. Touching on subjects lightly unless he has a point to make, and even that comes after watching someone closely for a while. Long enough to start to understand them a little better. Having known Allen for some time now, he's beginning to piece certain things about him with every new piece of information he learns about him. It's been slow going, yet all the more rewarding when the puzzle pieces come together to build a picture of him he wouldn't have guessed otherwise.
He nods quietly at the statement as ice begins to form beneath him, and he rises slowly, twisting and turning, through the branches. Bathed in moonlight, he crests the top of the canopy with little disturbance. ]
I'll head home now.