likethelight | IC Contact @ Deer Country

[ It doesn't ache then.

His heart stills, reality crashing down on him so hard, he draws back almost immediately. This whole time, you--And you never--. Threads of anguish color his eyes. ]

You've been hurting this whole time?

[ When he carries medicine for pain, unused. ]

[ O-oh, crap. This is why he tries to always be mindful of what he says. It just makes people worry!! ]

It's nothing that bad! [ He's quick to bring his hands up, waving them about to try and assuage. Please don't feel bad!! It's actually a very normal sort of thing! ]

It's just more like how old wounds can ache sometimes, you know..? [ it's just a very big old wound... ]

Edited 2023-04-26 01:11 (UTC)

[ It is not a very normal thing at all, Allen! Wounds that heal properly shouldn't ache. You know he's going to start questioning what else he's missed right under his nose!

He takes a breath, tries to contextualize this new knowledge with what he already knows about him, and comes to a decision. I don't know what bad is do I? ]

No. [ He confesses without a quiet acceptance of his own ignorance and looks to Allen in gratitude. ] Will you tell me about it?

[ How exactly does a giant soul-wounding scar that cleaves you from shoulder to hip heal properly though...

The request does have Allen biting his lip very lightly though, torn for a moment. His default answer is always immediate on his tongue after all, the one he gives anyone -- but it's Shouto so it's different. And no answer seems like a good one then, or right. Or the a good time for it.

Expression gentling, he runs his a hand softly through his hair. ]

I can try. [ Said simply and sweetly, with with eyes so fond even if his smile is a little heavy. He continues on in a soft, reflective tone however. ]

It isn't so bad anymore though. More like... a reminder. [ The same as looking in the mirror, except with a twinge or a dull awareness.

His fingers continue to sift idly through Shouto's hair though, demeanor relaxed and eyes soft and heartfelt, and he brushes it lightly from his face. ]

I don't notice it so much around you.

[ While he thinks of how to answer, Shouto wraps his arms around his neck and lets his full weight settle on Allen. He warms instantly to ease the pain and lovingly presses his cheek against his. ]

That's enough.

[ He whispers near his mouth, as Allen threads his fingers through his hair. Shouto leans into him, letting himself feel the full length of his scar across his torso for the first time. It's noticeably rougher than the rest of him, but not in a bad way, more like the callouses on his hands that formed from years of training.

He curls into him, making himself comfortable, while he thinks of how all the times he'd used his ice on him today. A few heartbeats later, he lets his fingers roam down Allen's chest, imparting enough heat to ease the ache he spoke of. ]

Does that feel better?

[ The ice feels good too. It's soothing to the skin while the heat sinks in and is just relaxing, and ironically the alternating is best of all even if that isn't the reason why he enjoys those kisses. That answer gets a blink from Allen though, that tells him he doesn't need to explain anymore when he didn't explain anything at all, but oh, that embrace--

It makes his heart swell, lodge into his throat a little, and he brings his arms up to wrap around Shouto. Curving to fit against him in kind, breath caught for a moment at the full press of their bodies and his weight resting against him, solid and reassuring, heady-- he fills up his senses and Allen squeezes tight in response, the corners of his eyes misting a bit from having what feels like feeling too much for his body to hold. Sensory and emotional overload, thoughts scattered, but in such a good way that feels like balm. Your soul...

...it's so very kind.

He breathes out low and slow next to his ear when he lets his fingers follow along the length of his scar, soft and a little heavy, and gives a nod. His muscles twitch with a small quiver as Shouto trails along them, leaving behind that seeping trail of warmth. ]

It does. [ It's whispered back just as softly, cheek lovingly to cheek before pressing a kiss against his ear. He tries to kiss the edge of his jaw as well with another gentle and relaxed sort of sigh, letting a hand run slowly down the length of his muscled back. ]

So do your kisses.

Edited 2023-04-26 03:55 (UTC)

[ Protected and protective. Scarcely has he ever felt such contradictory feelings battling inside him. Always one dominated the other, but for the first time, he's privy to both as he curls around Allen and feels him curve around him in perfect harmony without hesitation.

The whole sky fills his heart, and he, too weak a vessel to contain it, lets it spill into a nurturing smile that praises Allen with unspoken words. They're in the heat that seeps into his heart as he settles his hand there, prompted by the breath near his ear. He wants to feel more of him. His breath. His heart. The plumage of the soul beneath his fingertips. ]

I'm glad.

[ Shouto gazes up at Allen in adoration, the beginnings of devotion painted in his eyes. Silent in his joy, blue blossoms burgeon in his heart coloring his soul. ]

Are you asking for more kisses?

[ He teases, his eyes crinkling with a fondness he can no longer contain, and kisses him promptly on the mouth, sweetly and unhurried. ]

[ It's the first time Allen's ever let himself feel like that, protected by someone without feeling guilty for it; like he should reject it on some level. Even when he was a small child. Why it rattles the whole of him in such a good way, fills his heart up with a hope that comes from joy and not necessity and sets it alight in color. Because being able to love while being loved... it's poetry.

And that just feels right.

They're breahtaking, Shouto's smiles. But something more than that now too, the warmth in his eyes, even when he's looked warmly at him before-- Allen laughs softly, happy disbelief and joyous little sound that gets lost in the kiss. Are you... that isn't teasing him, is it? Shouto who's always so serious, but whose eyes seem to suggest he's laughing. Heart soaring, one hand threads back into his hair again, holding him in place as they kiss again at their leisure in what feels like nurturing that joy together. Planting more seeds to bloom and flourish, and making something new and beautiful. ]

Only if you're offering. [ Said with a playful and lightly challenging sparkle in his eyes, a soft laugh still under his breath at the thought that maybe that was a tease, as he kisses the corner of his mouth with an easygoing kind of joy. His left hand settles along the lower part of his back, idly rubbing a pattern along the dip there with his thumb. ]

I think you already promised me some.

Only to you.

[ He says warmly, knowingly. Missing the challenge in his eyes, not yet accustomed to teasing and being teased in return, yet there's a gleam in his eyes at the sound of his laughter cheerful and impish all at once. ]

I don't break my promises.

[ He turns to catch the kiss at the corner of his mouth and lets himself sink into it, letting the fire burn inside, spiking the heat radiating from his hand that slides down to rub gently at his nipple. ]

You need to stop missing your target.

[ O-oh. That's not fair, accusing him like that and then doing something like that. Now he absolutely thinks you're doing it on purpose.

-- and he loves that thought.

Spine lifting off the thin mattress and pressing their middles together, Allen gasps softly into the kiss as the touch turns something molten in him too, and it's immediately swallowed up by a faintly muffled moan as he clutches at Shouto and kisses back a harder. Toes digging into and sliding against the bedding, along Shouto's leg, and his fingers scraping lightly against his back.

He was wrong. It wasn't just that it must feel good for guys too. This goes beyond just feeling good or nice. ]

You're my target... [ It's said very softly, whispered against his lips with a gentle kind of affection before Allen kisses him again. A sweet kiss that quickly heats, becomes insistent, letting their mouths dance together as the tips of his fingers press circles into his back.

Keep doing that. ]

Anywhere I kiss you isn't a miss.

[ All the lovely sounds that escape his mouth start to become distinct in the back of his mind. There was something attention-grabbing about the dreamy languid sighs that spoke of contentment. The soft gasp of surprise. The shaky exhale he suspected of passions. And his favorite, the muffled moans that destabilized him in every way. Shouto can't help but swallow each and every one with a heady kiss that left his lips tingling and his fingers sliding up into his hair to tangle in the silken strands meeting the kiss with every bit of fire he found running through his veins. ]

You're my priority.

[ His chest slides against Allen's, and he takes a moment to cool his heating blood to prove that he can control himself on this level, and with great concentration, he wields both sides of himself at once. Gently, he licks Allen's mouth with a hot tongue, coaxing him into a deeper kiss, while a chilled hand pinches his nipple between his thumb and forefinger. ]

Edited 2023-04-27 06:27 (UTC)

[ There's a fifth he can add to that list of sounds: the startled little squeak that gets swallowed up by the kiss when he catches him off-guard like that, jolting, even if he immediately hums his approval. Pliant to the kiss and pulling him deeper into it, deeper into him, as Allen hooks one of his legs around Shouto's even if his heart continues to hammer wildly.

Had he ever--? Hot with one part of himself and cold with another? Not that Allen can remember but remembering is very hard right now. Cheater. He nips softly-not-softly at his throat when next they need to part to breathe but is too uncoordinated to fully manage it, shuddering lightly instead at the attention of his hand. ]

You're-- [ ah, gasped softly as he squirms under him and forgets himself ] really good at this too...

Edited 2023-04-27 06:58 (UTC)

[ The combined attack on his senses leaves him shuddering on top of Allen. This time it's his turn to gasp, throat tingling underneath his attention even as Shouto starts to realize, in the back of his mind, where this is going and how much he wants to keep touching him. He licks at Allen's bottom lip with great care, drinking in the sounds, and disentangles his hand from his hair. He pivots his hip into the leg Allen wrapped so intimately around him. Stay. On the back of his knee, Shouto gently sets a hand and slides it up his thigh, drawing him closer encouragingly. Please. ]

Allen...

[ Shouto breathes his name repeatedly. Hungry and desperate, he sears a path across his jaw and down his throat, the temptation to leave a mark almost overwhelming. Single-minded in his priorities, he moves down his chest at a languid pace, while he circles a finger around his nipple. He lets him get used to the cold, softly pinching the nub, before a hot mouth latches onto it, hot and wet, sucking gently to relieve the cold snap. ]

[ Touch... has never been something he's had before in his life, you know? Not even as a child. For a few years with Mana, he'd ruffle Allen's hair and they'd cuddle together for warmth, but as cherished as that was it also felt hollow both from his own guild and knowing it was because his mind was so broken he only saw him as his beloved dead dog. Everyone else... well, his experiences due to the deformed appearance of his arm were bad. Physical abuse and beat-downs that were painful and isolating at best and humiliating at worst. Never good, kind, from a place of love. When he joined the Order much later, some of the members would ruffle his hair and Lenalee would touch his cheek or his hand to welcome or reassure him, but that was also the first time in his life. The first time being a place where someone would even pat him on the back to say good job, or offer support, and it's a good part of why he was so easily swept off his feet.

So being touched with love... he's so weak to it. So very weak, and so very unaccustomed to it.

His head snaps back with a loud gasp, a half-strangled soft cry as his hands grip tight at Shouto's biceps, and buckling under him as his tongue laves heat and attention on his numbed and overstimulated nipple. The wild swing in both temperature and treatment, like a pendulum, sweeping his stomach along with it and leaving a heat of his own churning in the pit of it in response. He's not going to be able to-- If you keep doing that he's going to have a hard time keeping any wits at all about him...

The muscles in his thigh tremble when Shouto runs his hand along it too, pressing his leg into a deeper stretch, but it's when he slants his hips to fit against his that Allen's breath hitches and his whole body trembles as he had been very willfully blocking out and ignoring anything in that vicinity. Response immediate and instinctive, his ankle presses tight to the small of his back and his pelvis lifts to press back in response. Hips rolling in response and scattering his own last wit in the process.

Stay with me. ]

Shouto-- [ He gulps down a breath, trying to catch air in his lungs but still feeling breathless and ears burning from hearing how affected Shouto sounds too. Are we....? His hands scrabble across his shoulders in a desperate kind of dance, seeking him out. ] Shouto...

[ Touch has a memory.

His father's was a loving violence that left an invisible scar. His mother's inscribed his soul with a disheartened love that muted his world. And his siblings, theirs was an absence; an unfulfilled longing he told himself he did not need. His heart grew dull and cold like a winter's night. Then, there were his friends, their friendly touch on his shoulder felt like a balm. It warmed his heart. Made him remember long-buried memories. His mother's smile while she combed her fingers through his hair. Her gentle presence quieted his racing heart when he came looking for them.

Touch is a memory.

Memories he's grown from seeds he'd cultivated, not always knowing how much to tend them. Afraid of overwatering them, not all of them bloomed. The few that did were precious to him. Allen is precious to him. Beautiful and kind. They've made a sea of memories together. Holding hands, sharing a bath, a bed. Kissing. In their room, kitchen, living room, their reading nook. He'd grown accustomed to the natural progression of their relationship that always seemed to take one step forward and two steps back. This time, the natural pattern was broken. They'd boldly taken two steps forward.

If ever he was uncertain about his feelings for Allen, he now knows it was inexperience and not a lack of passion for how easily he lights an inferno in his veins. ]

Allen--!

[ The moment he rolls his hips into him, his thoughts scatter, and a deep-throated sound escapes him. ]

Allen.

[ There's a building frenzy in his tone that makes his blood blaze overwhelming the ice. Shouto buries his face into his chest, grappling for his hips with both hands to stop him? Encourage him? ]

Too much.

[ He tries to warn him between clenched teeth, even as he jerks his hips into Allen wrenching an inarticulate noise from him that leaves him teetering on the pin of a needle radiating a stifling heat. ]

Edited 2023-04-30 00:27 (UTC)

[ The temperature around them, of Shouto in his arms, spiking to a choking heat should have been warning enough but it's not, that just makes him gasp and feel like they're melting together further. That his own blood is heating up with something electric.

It's the hands that take his hips in an iron grip and the tight voice Shouto mutters that warning in that does, the sound he makes, even as Allen's voice cracks and warbles in a faint cry when he jerks into him, his fingers digging hard enough into his shoulders to leave marks in a desperate attempt to not move in kind. With a tenuous kind of control that's hanging by a thread as Shouto's hips are cradled between his thighs, muscles trembling from the effort both of holding still and feeling like they're teetering on a precipice.

But I really want you to do that again. He kind of feels like he might go mad otherwise. ]

Okay... [ He sucks in a breath, hands coming up shakily to touch the back of Shouto's head. Fingers threading into his hair and combing mindlessly through it, soothing and half-scattered, as he cradles him to his chest. ] Okay.

[ He's still shivering a little beneath him, despite the heat, as he tries to catch his breath and let the hammering of his heart slow down. ]

It's okay. [ breath ] We're okay.

Edited 2023-04-30 01:06 (UTC)

[ Flush against his chest, his body locks up, desperate to move. To stay still. He can't remember anymore. He clings to Allen, an iron-clad grip on his hips, struggling to smother the wildfire threatening to light them aflame. ]

Sorry.

[ He whispers, eyes squeezed shut, sounding so absurdly out of breath. His heart works overtime to cool his blood, aided partly by Allen's calming presence. The heat dissipates, and Shouto loosens his grip on his hips, relaxing in his embrace. ]

I needed-- a moment.

[ He apologizes, voice rough. Focusing on the familiar motion of Allen's fingers combing through his hair. ]

I didn't... expect that.

Edited 2023-04-30 02:47 (UTC)

[ Shaking his head lightly at the apology -- it's alright, I think we probably both did -- Allen leans forward to kiss the crown of his head gently, fingers still strokingly lovingly through the strands. A paradoxical mix of relaxed and tense both as his legs squeeze him lightly for a moment, but otherwise remains very consciously still.

It isn't easy. ]

I didn't either... [ He smiles at that response so softly, whispering back very gently in reply, like it's a secret. Sounding so calm despite the nervous but exhilarated jitters bubbling in his veins. ]

But it-- [ He hesitates, trying to find the words to say it properly. Weighing even what he means to say. How someone like him can even approach it in a way without wanting to jump out a window. Shy, but bold too, staying wrapped so intimately around him but speaking so softly. ]

... feels right, too.

Edited 2023-04-30 03:17 (UTC)

I didn't want you to stop.

[ He admits, more to himself than Allen, hyperaware of the leg folded over his thigh. It had felt good. Very good, but that he keeps to himself, flushing lightly at his thoughts, realizing why exactly his pants felt so tight.

He shifts above him, very precisely, to move his left hip onto the bed, so he didn't accidentally uhh... He grows slightly warm under Allen's embrace. ]

I still don't.

[ Another admission, one he distracts himself from by wrapping his arms around Allen, holding him firmly as he sorts through his body's response. ]

But, I can't promise I won't set us on fire.

[ You know... it is so very ironic that in Allen finally starting to accept some of his own wants, they might very well result in him being burnt alive.

So very ironic. And on-point for his life. It's not something he's unaware of. ]

Edited 2023-05-14 22:45 (UTC)

[ But.

He's quiet as Shouto carefully rearranges himself, flushing lightly too for different reasons as he does so. He's been aware of just how uncomfortable his remaining clothing is and why, very aware, he was just blocking it out and ignoring it even more vigorously. It's the slight pang of disappointment that has him flush though, and he looks at him very quietly as he resettles. Taking it very seriously, that concern, but with a gentle kind of consideration.

Tucking into him at how he wraps his arms around him, he kisses his cheek softly. It helps to still how overly aware he is of what feels like a jumpy pit in his own stomach, and he strokes his cheek softly. ]

Then... [ ...are we doing this? is that what we're deciding? His voice is so much calmer than his racing heartbeat. Stroking some of the hair from Shouto's face so delicately and mindfully, and with eyes of total and complete trust. ]

...we can stop and catch our breath when you need to?

As many times as you need.

Edited 2023-04-30 04:39 (UTC)

[ The kiss. The soft touches. Somehow, they've all become a familiar part of their interactions. It helps calm his nerves, that kiss, feeling cherished. He responds in kind, pressing a kiss to his neck, finding Allen running warmer than usual from having his own personal heater malfunction on top of him. There's a bit of guilt there, but it's brief and transient, choosing to trust Allen to tell him if it was too much.

Feeling more in control of his reactions, Shouto buries his nose against his collar, finding comfort in the familiar scent of him. He stays there a few moments while Allen comes to a decision. ]

You--

[ He stiffens above him, an edge of excitement in his tone - for him. Are you saying what he thinks you're saying?! He sets a hand on either side of Allen to push up enough to look at him, needing that direct eye contact for what lies ahead. ]

You want to-- [ he warms considerably in the span of a few seconds ] - try it again?

Edited 2023-04-30 05:14 (UTC)

[ O-oh. He flushes lightly under that gaze, hearing his tone pick up, but is enchanted by it too. The way he's looking at him and how quickly he picked himself up. ]

Um... [ Biting the inside of his lip lightly, Allen smiles up at him, softly and shyly but warm. Hyperaware of his own body and the proximity of Shouto's to it, his legs shift along the lengths of his, squirming lightly under the intensity of that look but keeping it. Gentle and accepting, a warmth and a quiet sort of excited sparkle in his grey eyes. No misunderstandings. Clear intent.

I want to be with you this way too.

Somehow, it's wildly freeing. ]

If you do too?

Edited 2023-04-30 05:40 (UTC)

[ A flicker of fire runs up the left side of his hair dancing among the red. Heterochromic eyes widen in wonder and a bit of anticipation. His mouth parts slightly, but he makes no move to speak.

Staring down at him with his hair hanging like a hallow above him, Shouto stares in growing understanding. The thin flickers of flame keep burning sending his hair into disarray as he realizes he'd missed another puzzle piece and slides it into place. Allen, who always cleaned himself out of his sight during their baths, coming in first so he was usually in the water before Shouto could wash himself down before entering the bath. Who always hid away from view when they changed into their sleeping clothes. It became part of their routine, Shouto almost forgot how uncomfortable he was with nudity.

Allen, who was in a state Shouto hardly ever saw him in, shirtless and offering to try something neither of them had ever skimmed the edge of until today. He'd always been ahead of him, and for once, it feels like walking in stride with him.

If you do too?

Deep within his heart where his fire is fueled, Shouto holds onto that feeling and the fire in his hair dies down until it's gone. The tension in his muscles drains from him, and he gently leans down until his elbows touch the bedding on either of Allen. ]

Only if it's with you.

[ He answers with a secretive smile, capturing his mouth in a delicate kiss. The puzzle of Allen he'd longed started piecing together grows by one, adding complexity to his portrait. Feeling content, he leans down to brush his lips against his ear to give him his condition. ]

Only if you're on top.

[ A hand settles on Allen's hip, gently coaxing him to follow his lead to roll them over. If they're going to do this, then he won't have him pinned under his weight. He wants him free to pull away anytime he wants without feeling trapped by his larger frame. ]

We'll go at your pace.

Edited 2023-04-30 19:01 (UTC)

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1/2 /belatedly slips a NSFW CW in wOoPs

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