likethelight | IC Contact @ Deer Country

Oh.

[ He blinks, a little surprised by that answer, than the kiss that follows. ]

Did you… find that out, right now?

Edited 2023-04-21 20:13 (UTC)

[ Call him out, why don't you.

Laughing a little sheepishly, Allen ruffles a hand through his a touch self-consciously. Caught offguard. ]

Yeah. [ Ehe. ]

But I like it when you help me with mine too.

Edited 2023-04-21 20:21 (UTC)

[ As he said, you don’t normally help him out of his uniform. As in, he can’t remember a time before this that you did. Given that, it’s not a hard conclusion to come by; plus, he has no filter. You should know this by now, so his next question really should come as no shock. ]

You do?!

[ A little taken back by that answer, Shouto simply stares at him incredulously. ]

I thought you liked doing it yourself.

[ WELL... ]

It's a matter of context, you know! [ He waves his hands a bit. The mood!!! It has to be the right mood!!! ]

[ Still, he does have a point. And even though Allen crinkles his nose lightly at the turn the conversation took, he reaches for his hands more seriously then. Lacing their fingers together gently as his voice drops to something a bit softer and more private. Thoughtful. ]

But... I suppose that shows how comfortable I've become with you. [ He admits it so very softly, but pauses. Trying to find the words to explain something that doesn't fit well within them. ]

...It feels right, when you do. [ No, more than that: ] I want you to.

It feels special.

[ A drop in pitch is all that it takes to keep him from pursuing that line of reasoning. Shouto looks down at their hands. With the thin scars on his palm out of sight, his hand seems smooth and soft in contrast to the red carapace that covers Allen's hand.

His words open up another line of thought, he's only now realizing he'd missed all this time. ]

Were you uncomfortable before?

[ He asks, just as serious, voice taking on the same soft-spoken pitch. There are some things he wants to know, then there are others, he needs to. ]

[ A blink. Uncomfortable? ]

No, not at all! [ It's immediate and very adamant!! Don't you dare go down that route, he'll get the pillow!! ] I've always felt really comfortable around you!

It's just... new, you know?

[ He shakes his head. It's a product of his upbringing. Trained at a young age in solitude, and surrounded by adults who crooned and prodded at him, he grew a thick skin and a bland expression to keep his emotions in check. Few things made him uncomfortable. ]

A good new.

[ He confirms, not turning toward that line of thinking Allen is so afraid of, but uncovering something he never saw before, blinded by his inexperience. ]

Do new things make you uncomfortable?

Edited 2023-04-21 22:23 (UTC)

[ Reaffirming that it's good makes Allen relax a bit again, but the continued line of questioning causes him to look more thoughtfully at Shouto. What is it you're trying to ask about...? ]

It can take a bit to get used to, sometimes. [ He squeezes his hand softly, answering gently but seriously. Voice soft, his eyes downcast a little shyly on their hands. He shifts his fingers quietly against Shouto's, letting them dance together in a soft display of intimacy. ]

But I don't know... it's hard to really explain.

All I know is I'm happy you're the one I get to find out new things with.

Edited 2023-04-21 22:37 (UTC)

New things don't make me uncomfortable. [ He explains, the grip on his fingers going firm. ] I didn't need time to get used to you. I needed time to sort out my feelings for you.

[ He watches him in silence for a moment, then reaches up to nudge his chin up. ]

Sometimes, what you do, doesn't match what you say.

Happy people don't look down.

[ Sometimes you really only hear about 10% of what he says, don't you. And misinterpret another 9% of that.

Allen blinks when his chin gets lifted, surprised, but stares a little at that comment. His nose crinkles up. ]

Sometimes there's a lot on my mind. [ it's. a little snippy. ]

[ That simple then... he was distracted. Somehow, he thought it was more. ]

I see. [ He drops his hand from his chin. ] I thought it was something else.

Edited 2023-04-21 23:19 (UTC)

[ And it's a conversation topic that makes him a little shy to talk about. Though in general... it would be a very accurate observation of him. Just not in this instance. It's complicated.

He huffs a little bit at that, but it's ineffectual and lacks any real irritation, and instead leans in. Arms snaking around his solid middle and mismatched hands skimming along his sides underneath the uniform jacket in a very gentle, discreetly mindful brush of skin to skin, he pulls Shouto back into an embrace as he bows his head to his shoulder. Nosing the collar aside as he drops a kiss to the crook of his neck in a sweet, poignant display of affection he holds for a long and meaningful moment. ]

That's okay.

[ It comes from a place of caring, that observation. He recognizes that. it's part of why I love you. ]

Edited 2023-04-21 23:42 (UTC)

[ It's a conversation topic he's ignorant of that one day he will need to know about. He doesn't come from a Victorian-age society to understand why he shies away, but he's been given an answer, and he leaves it there to digest later.

He's not shy with the way Allen touches him. It's new but not uncomfortable. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but now that he's cooled down, he can appreciate the difference in the texture of his palms and the poignant kiss filled with affection. ]

Sometimes, I don't understand you, but I think you understand me.

[ He rubs a circle on his lower back with his thumb and forefinger, mindful of the raised skin of his scar. ]

I want to catch up to you.

Edited 2023-04-22 00:02 (UTC)

[ Modern day people can be just as shy about it as him, you know!! Not everyone is a brick wall impervious to shame!! You better believe a modern era Allen would be just as squirrely and prudish as he is. Some things are just part of your nature. If anything, Allen is the anomaly in his own era too... at least among his male acquaintances. More reasons why he tends to get along with girls better and holds them in higher regard.

Allen twists to look up at Shouto thoughtfully at that, his expression gentle, before he shifts and tucks in close and to relax against him. Lulled by the idle pattern he rubs on his back where the shirt hiked up, loosened from before when it took off his vest, he kisses the side of his neck softly in answer. Affectionate and forgiving. ]

I don't feel ahead. [ It's a gentler murmur, a little dreamy as he pillows his head against his collar. ]

All I feel is you here next to me.

[ It's about exposure, and the people he knows shout out to the world that they're a hero while wearing very little spandex in broad daylight. Plus, all the modeling gigs they take on. There are very few shy heroes.

They lock eyes, his neutral expression against Allen's gentle one. You're not the one behind. The moment passes, and Shouto lets go of that thread, letting his hand finally rest on his back. ]

I like you here.

[ His fingers play with the end of his undershirt. ]

That's why I put together the papers, but I don't need you here.

[ A long pause. ]

I want you here.

Edited 2023-04-22 01:18 (UTC)

[ He can guess what that silent look is about, and just smiles softly if a little apologetically in response. He didn't mean it to brush aside his feelings, but... he doesn't know what to say in response to that, either. Other than I don't want you to feel like it's a race or about the destination... and sometimes I feel like I'm the one who needs to catch up with you on some things. But--

If you feel like it is, I'll wait.

He bites the inside of his lip lightly at the admittance though, thoughtfully, as there's a pleasant flutter in his chest. Being wanted, after all, being wanted for yourself and invited a place...

...being wanted and knowing your existence can bring another joy...

Allen sits back up, hips shifting as he straightens and brings his hands up to cup Shouto's face gently. Tipping his chin up ever so slightly as he leans down to kiss him, soft and unhurried. ]

I'm here. [ It's a promise gently whispered into the kiss. His eyes hooded by lashes heavy and white as drifts of snow, and Allen presses another tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]

Because what I want... [ Another kiss, sweet and warm, just under his eye as fingers along his jaw lightly encourage Shouto to turn his head just so. The air around them feeling fragile and gentle as his own heart flutters with the butterfly exhilaration. ]

It's you, too.

Edited 2023-04-22 01:54 (UTC)

[ Every moment is a seed that, with proper care, will one day grow into a memory. Every intimate encounter, physical or of the soul, has become a precious memory. A gift he treasures. More than the river that runs through their home or the surrounding woods. He's insistent, in his folly, because he wants to understand how to keep those seeds growing, afraid of watching them go dormant.

The face he finds when looks up is one he cherishes. If he were blind, he'd cherish his voice. This time when they lock eyes, he gets lost in the silver light. Their lips meet, and it feels like a memory born, a tender moment.

I'm here.

Another whispered secret. He can't keep track of them all. This time, he doesn't try to understand. He accepts the gift with humble hands, and as the last whisper finds its way through the haze of their kisses, his fingers grip his hips, not leisurely, but to make their presence known.

I'm here, too.

He turns his head where Allen wants him to without an ounce of resistance. Yielding himself, the way he would never do for another, in a rare show of trust. Not rare for Allen, but anyone else.

His eyes close, against his lips, his heart filling with affection. His skin grows hearted from it, and ice blooms in his blood to keep the balance. ]

I want... [ He says between kisses. ] Can I--

Your shirt?

Edited 2023-04-22 02:56 (UTC)

[ There's a soft and shaky exhale when his fingers tighten on his hips, a little shiver, and Allen kisses him more insistently then. Puts his soul into it as his heart swells and feels a little more complete, understanding that sentiment on the most basic of levels. Acceptance and togetherness. Acknowledgement.

Joy in each other.

His shirt? He nods, a little distracted, but unwillingly to depart as his lips ghost over Shouto's this time. ]

Mm... [ It's a quiet affirmative hum, pressing their lips together like a sweet sort of promise then. Lingering to make the point, remembering the rhythm of their dance before, and feeling how Shouto first heats up and then cools again. It's not a yes, but...

More than that.

He pulls back just enough to look down at him properly then, silver eyes soft and sure as they lock onto his mismatched ones with an almost ethereal kind of calmness. ]

Please.

Edited 2023-04-22 03:21 (UTC)

[ How wonderful it is to be understood. Without words, Shouto reads the heady embrace tempered with affection and promise. They go slow even if their hearts thunder in their chests caught in each other's orbit. Teal and grey meet solid grey.

Please. ]

I want to touch you after like you did with me.

[ He asks, stating his intentions from the start, needing that spoken between after everything that's happened. ]

Edited 2023-04-22 03:39 (UTC)

[ It's such a sweet thing to ask about and even if it isn't surprising, it is touching, bringing a light flush of color to Allen's face. But he smiles in response, small and shy little curve of one, warming as he caresses Shouto's cheek lovingly and relaxes against him. Wholly comfortable in his arms and in the request, and keeping his gaze fondly.

Good. ]

I want you to do that too.

[ You do?

There's a silence that follows his words. Gaze on him, seeking clarity, he takes in the sentimental smile accompanied by the warm caress of his cheek and this time, he keeps his thoughts to himself; accepting them at face value.

He nods quietly at him, once and nothing more, his attention straying to the thin shirt. He's never been shy about touching Allen, every hesitation derived from a perceived misstep. Here, he has consent, clearly given, and wastes no time to reach for the shirt and slip it off. Slow, as not to snag an unexpected limb. Slow, because he doesn't want to surprise him. The shirt comes up over his shoulders with assistance from Allen, and Shouto drops it with the growing pile.

Sitting on his lap, shirtless, Allen looks anew. It's in that thought that he realizes they've never been like this before. Always, their clothes stayed on, and when they came off, they stayed in their designated spots in the bath. He's seen Allen a great many times half-hidden in water usually to his shoulders. This is the first time, he's gotten a close-up glimpse of him without a layer of water. The scar bisecting him from shoulder to hip is in stark display hiding nothing of the true nature of the injury.

Someone tried to cut you in half. In a violent, unforgiving manner.

Shouto lays a hand on the top of his shoulder. Lets his fingers explore the raised flesh, gently rubbing the skin in a tender manner. Slow and steady, his palm trails down from collar to chest in the same manner. Midway through his chest, his mouth starts to curve, a fond look in his eyes when he reaches his stomach. Endless, he thinks, and yet your so thin. Three portions, he'd allocated to him, and doubts he'd gain any weight even if he added a fourth. He's smiling fully by the time he reaches his the belt of his pants and keeps staring a moment longer as if debating going further before looking up. ]

How did that feel?

[ How naive and modern to think he dresses in anything that comes off as easily as just slipping over his head, Shouto-- he wears a waistcoat and a tie, so the shirt is formal white and a button-up too. Even if it is sleeveless... it's his own custom design for preferring formality but needing the use of his arms in a fight without risking ripping things. Don't look at him like that, ripping things is expensive.

If he tries to lift that over his head Allen will laugh softly, probably get stuck, and show him the buttons. There are only a handful at least and he helps, kissing the top of Shouto's head as he works and shrugging it off with his aid more easily than he had with the vest. Enjoying themselves in even such a simple thing that at first it doesn't even hit him that he's shirtless in his lap now, not until Shouto lays his hand on his shoulder.

He blinks then, expression becoming both gentle and a little transfixed, and watches as he starts to explore. Breath hitching lightly from time to time as he traces one of the spidering scars that bleed off from the cut through his torso, his stomach quivering when he reaches it as he jitters under the attention and sucks it in, but his attention is squarely on Shouto. On watching his face as he follows the line of the scar down, and being utterly enchanted by the small smile that graces it. It pulls him in entirely, finding it so baffling and so amazing. Making something intimate so utterly beautiful.

What are you thinking?

It isn't the first time he's looked down to see Shouto face to face with his scars, and it left a funny feeling in his stomach even then. There were the times he helped him undress after he had died as well. When Allen had clung to him, naked, after washing back ashore. But... the atmosphere was so heavy then, and there were so many other loaded things that had just happened. Scars and the baring of them, even one like this, barely registered. There's another angry-looking scar on his stomach as well, like someone had punched a hole through him and some sort of infection had spread across a large swath of his stomach from it, and it too goes straight through to his back.

It's also exactly where the feathers had been when they had been trapped in the dream reality of Allen's world, where Crown Clown had manifested from and attacked Shouto when it thought he was killing him.

Even if most of the nerves where he's scarred are still deadened, it's all he can do to hold himself in check though, to not jolt this time or shake at the sometimes ticklish route his hand takes, or the way he wants to squirm when he moves down his abdomen and towards his belt. He does a little--squirm with his breath stuttering in a slight pant, and his self-consciousness spikes when the other keeps looking down at his belt to the point where his nerves are almost frayed enough to interrupt--but Shouto speaking is like permission for Allen to move finally, and his hands are a little shaky as he brings them up to cup his face again. Touches his jaw and face lovingly in a series of amazed, featherlight touches as he looks at him like it's the first time, like he's absolutely beautiful and Allen's mesmerized, and his thumb runs over his lip. His voice is soft, but he almost stumbles over the words. ]

You can touch me more if you want to.

Edited 2023-04-22 05:22 (UTC)

[ Formal down to the last piece of clothing. It makes him wonder what he wears under his pants. Boxers? Shorts? Long-johns? A jockstrap? That last one quickens his pulse, and he looks up smartly, catching sight of the buttons, and quickly busies himself with them. He wasn't lying when he said he wasn't uncomfortable with the new things they did, but he did need a moment to figure out his feelings, and right now, he knows exactly what they are. While Allen enjoys helping him, Shouto finds himself fumbling with the buttons, growing warm by the time they remove them.

Catching sight of the scar settles his nerves, and his emotions swing in the opposite direction, like a pendulum on a string. They switch positions. Allen's breath catching, while Shouto regains his composure and cools down to normal temperature. He stops his exploration a few times, his eyes shifting up to look at him. He never asks a question, simply watches, keeping his thoughts to himself, the opposite of how he'd handled their earlier conversation, opening up to explain himself. This time there is no explanation, only a quiet question that's never uttered aloud.

The second scar, going straight through his stomach, yields a longer exploration. It's rare for him to see this one. The waters cover it completely when they bathe together. It's the same place where those frenzied feathers came, the ones that attacked him, leaving thin scars on his palms. He wants to ask about it but stays his tongue. His answer, again, is not an answer at all. He's noticed that about him. The way he evades questions, most of the time. He lets it go, focusing his efforts on Allen's reaction instead. The way he fidgets like he's uncomfortable. His breathing goes uneven, and his hands shake when they hold him.

His smile fades. What's wrong?

And again, his words don't match his actions, and just as quickly as it comes, it's gone, like a pendulum swinging left. Allen warms to him; feather-light touches erode his concern but fail to put him at ease. ]

Touch me instead.

Edited 2023-04-22 06:06 (UTC)

[ For once, Allen's non-answer answer isn't for trying to be evasive, but... because he simply forgot to answer properly. Too enchanted and swept up in that moment to realize it.

His answer to that request is immediate though. A quietly stunned and awed sort of look, eyes dilating briefly as that registers, and then Allen sweeps in to press his mouth to his like someone lost finding the light. All-consuming and sweet as he winds his arms back around his neck and lets their bodies press together, chest-to-chest and belly-to-belly in a new and heady sort of skinship that leaves him a little dizzy from the unexpected warm intimacy of it. It feels... whole, and even the kisses feel new and transformed. Something he intended to be brief, but slows to let them explore each other's mouths more thoroughly as he -- as they both -- get used to such full body contact. That sort of embrace--

Allen loses his breath faster than usually, having to take a ragged and affected breath by his ear as he tries to collect himself, and just clings on for a moment with a small shiver. ]

Shouto...

[ It feels like coming home, holding each other like this.

His hands smooth across his collar and shoulders then, pushing the opened jacket back, before Allen breaks away finally. Meeting Shouto's eyes wordlessly first in a soft and slightly hazy look of confirmation, he drops his head in a curtain of silver that hides his face to press a kiss against part of his shoulder he just revealed, wanting to "touch" that way. Not to explore and feel his skin and the planes of muscle but under his hands, but try to convey what's in his heart in the way that just makes instinctive sense to him.

He presses another kiss against his chest a little lower, just under his collar and sucking on his collarbone for a moment first like Shouto had done with him before. But he pulls lightly at the jacket as he does, until the fabric strains at the shoulders -- this first -- and fumbles to try and help him pull it off. ]

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