likethelight | IC Contact @ Deer Country

[ That response catches Allen a little off guard at first, you should speak your mind more, and he blinks for a second before pressing his lips together in thought and looking a touch schooled himself. Pillowing his head against his shoulder, he just watches Shouto with that thoughtful expression, and listens quietly as he continues to speak. Lets the silence stretch between them after as he gives it careful thought, and leans his head back as he stares off quietly at some unknown point across his chest. ]

Then... if you do, we can talk about it then. But right now you aren't. Not even a little. [ His voice is soft, but still clipped and direct. Very matter-of-fact, even if his expression is gentle.

I also hurt you too, remember. And Allen is the one who left scars. ]

I like it, your "experiment". I told you that. So... [ He nuzzles faintly at his neck then, not quite kissing it, demeanor softening. ] ...let's not say something is a bad idea until it is.

[ He's speaking more gently, but just with a quieter sort of finality like he had been before. He does give a final faint huff though, shifting a little to get more comfortable and cuddling rather unabashedly—for him—closer in the process. ]

And if you do hurt me I'll make you make it up to me.

[ Long fingers run through his hair while he huffs at him very deliberately. Oddly, he doesn't feel chastised at all this time. His other hand slips to the back of his neck when Allen leans closer to his chest, making himself comfortable on his lap. ]

Which part?

[ He asks before he remembers to ask about that what he meant before. His hand in his hair stills, quieting along with him. ]

Allen. What did you mean before when you said it was hard for you talk about?

[ The fingers running through his hair reminds him of how loosed and mussed it's gotten from its ponytail, so Allen reaches back to pull the ribbon holding it back loose entirely. He blinks at the question though and is about to clarify -- part? -- before Shouto seems to sober and continues on.

Oh. Right. ... He did that say, didn't he. There's a small flush, and he fidgets a little as he drops his gaze before answering. Finding something about the clasp on Shouto's collar fascinating as he idly plays with it a little. ]

It's just that... it's embarrassing. [ There's another small huff, but he's soothed by the hands on his neck and hair and relaxes further against Shouto, head pillowed against his collar. He winds one arm lightly around his waist in a loose embrace. ]

It isn't like it's something I've ever talked about before, you know.

[ except when passing judgment on others......... ]

Edited 2023-04-19 19:13 (UTC)

What's embarrassing?

[ This time, he starts combing his fingers through his hair to straighten out the loosened braid no longer contained. ]

[ Allen wrinkles his nose up at him at that. What?? Are you going to make him say it??? Isn't it obvious???

... maybe it isn't obvious. But that's half of the problem!! ]

What do you think? [ He would sound so. grouchy. If he didn't enjoy the fingers in his hair as much as he does. ]

Your hormones.

[ He answers nonchalantly, still threading his fingers through his hair without an ounce of embarrassment. ]

.................

[ Well. He isn't exactly... wrong, but that answer sure gets Allen to pick the pillow back up and lightly smack him with it anyway. You bastard, suspecting that and trying to make him say it anyway!! ]

So what if it is! That's normal to be embarrassed about!

[ Suspecting isn't the same as knowing and assuming things has already gotten him in trouble with Allen today, so when that pillow bops him a second time, Shouto stiffens not expecting the retaliation for... answering a question right???

Is that why he hit him? Because he was embarrassed? ]

Do you... want me to stop talking about it?

Edited 2023-04-19 23:30 (UTC)

[ Oh... he feels a little bad for that, expression becoming a little crestfallen immediately when he looks at him with that kicked expression. He bites his lip a little, looking both a little bashful and conflicted both. ]

It isn't that... [ Hesitating for a moment at first, his gaze flickers between Shouto and some point off to the side. ]

I want to be able to talk with you about things like that... but it isn't easy either. [ that's a lot harder to say, and he's able to say it only because he's wrestled silently with it for a lot longer than the last few minutes. ] I think that's why I was a little happy when you started asking me earlier.. and because you seemed so happy too.

[ Quietly, he reaches for one of his hands then if he can. Needing to hold it, even if just for a moment. ]

Does that make sense?

[ He hopes yes, because he isn't sure if it does entirely to him. ]

[ Not crestfallen, simply confused by the mixed signals. He's not good at reading them so he's hesitant, unsure if he's understanding correctly. ]

What is it then?

[ He captures his fingers in a firm grip, looking at Allen with steady eyes, trying to understand what he's trying to tell him, and utterly failing.

He shakes his head with unabashed sincerity. ]

Do you... You don't think you can talk to me about it?

[ He prompts, trying to get to the root of it. ]

Do you think it'd be easier to talk to someone else like Viktor?

[ Well that gets him to sputter lightly. ]

Absolutely not!!!

[ Okay, he... did talk to Viktor about some things. But definitely not that!! ]

I can talk to you about it. I was talking to you about it.

But you're embarrassed.

[ He concludes, finally feeling like he understands. ]

BUt, you also want to talk about it.

[ Therein lay the root of the mixed signals he realizes. He's quiet for a long moment, running his thumb over Allen's knuckles, while he tries to come up with a solution. ]

Do you want to bring it up instead?

[ This is getting absolutely nowhere fast and just making him slowly die inside. Shouto why. How did they get here.

No, you know, he'll be damned if they stay here. And that thought alone is enough to spur him into action, ignoring the question for now and putting his hands on Shouto's shoulders as he pivots and rises back up onto his knees. Expression shifting smoothly to one that yes, is a little exasperated, but moreso set with a sudden kind of certainty like he's made his mind up. And he swings one leg around as he straddles him properly to sit astride his lap in the familiar way he often did.

Nose lightly brushing nose as he lets his arms cross behind Shouto's neck, and settles in to loom slightly over him. ]

No. [ Said softly, seriously, and simply.

He leans closer, pressing their foreheads lightly together as his hair curtains around them, eyes searching. ]

Why were you happy when you asked me if it was distracting when you touched me?

[ He looks up, that weight on his shoulders not enough to budge him or make him take notice, unlike the smooth transition from embarrassed to vexed he's never seen directed at him. Chin angled up, he's caught in a curtain of white blanketing him in a world where only they exist. It captures his attention like nothing else could, and stirs the dormant smothered by ice. ]

I was hopeful.

[ He admits, reaching up to touch his cheek, snagging stray strands along the way. ]

That you felt the same way I did.

[ Immediately, that answer has his expression gentling. Eyes hooding a bit further softly when he touches his cheek and admits that and confirms Allen's feelings. ]

I do.

That's the part I want to talk about.

[ A quiet admittance too, one without any hesitation, and he lets his eyes close briefly as he leans into the touch to his cheek. Thick white lashes against nearly-white skin with how pale he is. ]

Except... [ His eyes open, fixing themselves to Shouto's again with a gentle and naked sort of transparency, and he brings a hand up to touch the edge of his chin lightly. Finding it easier to talk when the rest of the world is curtained off and it's just them. ] ...words don't always feel like the best way to say any of it.

[ Why do you think he always is reaching out to kiss or touch you? It's the only way he knows how say any of that. The only way that, ironically, isn't so cripplingly embarrassing it's unthinkable. But Allen's silent for a moment, just watching him so softly and so seriously for every flicker of expression, and seems to be weighing something very seriously. ]

Shouto.

[ There's a quiet sort of gravity to how he says his name. A loving downward cast to his eyes as his human hand continues to softly trace the outline of his face. Shifting slightly as he repositions over him in a sway of silvery white, knees pressing tighter against his hips, and he repeats his request from before. ]

Touch me?

[ Touch me?

A question, not a claim or invitation, steeped in that hesitation he's sensed before. The one that prompts him to step back and reevaluate sometimes. Eyes fixed on him, he runs his fingers up his jaw, brushing against the bloodstone.

You don't sound certain. ]

Where?

[ Teal and grey stay on him through the shimmer of silver, feeling his knees press against his hips. Was he nervous? ]

I want to know where so I don't surprise you again.

Edited 2023-04-20 03:13 (UTC)

[ Yet of that request he's entirely certain and means it wholly as invitation, and in that moment could not possibly sound more sure of himself.

Same question, same response. Allen's eyes close gently when he touches his ear and the band there, focusing in on the touch like it's such a precious thing itself. Unhurried and relaxed now. ]

Wherever you want. [ He turns his head to kiss the inside of his palm then, where the thin and raised edges of the scars on his hand are, and holds it for a long and sweet moment. Brings his left hand up to cover Shouto's hand so very gently as he begins to leave a trail of soft kiss down his arm. ]

Dummy... [ This time he says it so lovingly as term of endearment itself, and nibbles gently at where the pulse is in his wrist. ] I meant it.

I love to be surprised by you too.

[ Even, yes, when you can be really frustrating. ]

Edited 2023-04-20 03:36 (UTC)

[ There's no certainty in questions, not in his mind. Maybe that's why they've slipped past each other so many times. Same melody, different pitch. He shakes his head. They've gone in a circle, and this time, it's Shouto who's had enough. ]

Allen.

You used words first.

[ Every bit of confidence he possesses falls flat against the startled look of someone he wants to adore when he bares the blame for both good and bad looks. He needs to distinguish between them, and it's that reality that keeps him cool to his kisses, unwilling to follow his instincts. ]

Tell me where you want me to touch you.

[ He runs his free hand through his hair, sweeping back the cascade of silver to look at him directly. ]

I want to know what you look like when you're surprised in a good way.

When you're expecting it.

Edited 2023-04-20 04:20 (UTC)

[ Shouto. You can't both be surprised by something and expecting it, but the sweet sort of sentiment behind the statement touches him more deeply than the words. Gets him to look directly at him, and this time his expression does flicker for a moment uncertainly.

Not for having second thoughts, but: ]

But... I don't have a better answer than that.

[ He says it gently, reluctantly in an apologetic manner. Hesitating just because of the bare honesty of it; how new a territory it is and outside of his usual ironclad understanding of himself.

How little, maybe, he understands certain parts of himself. ]

I don't know.

[ He lets his hand rest softly against his cheek then, along the more stretched and darkened skin of his scar. Eyes to eyes. ]

I just want you to touch me the way you want to.

[ Allen. It's how you process it that's unpredictable. How the same words are translated a dozen ways by a dozen people. How you react is what makes you, you. He wants you. Your reaction. That's why there's no point in studying anyone else.

His mouth curves faintly at that answer, familiar with the feeling of not knowing. Here at least, he's confident. Taking that first step into the unknown, consenting to what might befall you, good or bad, because it's better than not knowing. ]

That's an answer.

[ His thumb runs over the lobe of his ear, rubbing against the earring made of his blood. His eyes warm, looking through the strands of silver to meet his gaze. ]

Well, do it together. [ How they should have from the start. ] I'm going to kiss your neck.

[ He tells him, neck stretching to brush his lips on the thin skin that pulsed to the rhythm of his heart. He peppers kisses up the soft column of his throat, sucking lightly between the apex of his throat and collar with a hot mouth without asking for permission.

Touch me. How he understood it, the 'how' was up to him. ]

Edited 2023-04-20 14:26 (UTC)

[ Words cannot even describe how relieved he is. That they finally reached that understanding.

He breathes out quietly when Shouto touches his ear, letting his eyes close and leaning into the touch as the anxiety that'd been starting to ratchet up in him again bleeds off. There's a warmth and a soft tingle to the bloodstone when he touches it, like a reminder of what it is, what it means, and that touches his heart like a balm as well. ]

I like that. [ It's whispered back softly, his voice low and gentle with affection. We'll do it together. That's all he was asking for. That, and for Shouto to feel like he could. That he had the right to. Otherwise it would have been Allen asking if he could touch him.

His hand slides up the back of his neck as he leans in to kiss his pulse, slender fingers sliding into his hair even as Allen shivers lightly. Just quiet reactions, sighing gently and relaxing into the embrace as his hand runs through his hair and loosely cradles him close. Savoring the feeling between them as much as the touch of lips.

There's a slight hitch in his breath when he sucks at the hollow of his throat, but Allen tips his chin back and leans to give him more room while he holds onto him, nails lightly scraping appreciatively against his scalp in continued invitation. ]

That feels good. [ Said very gently, in a quiet and private sort of voice for just the two of them. ]

Edited 2023-04-20 15:23 (UTC)

[ A hand at Allen's lower back accompanies his words, and Shouto holds him like he wants to, no longer questioning his instincts. Allen's hand in his hair sustains that belief, like a soft embrace, it encourages him to press past his initial intent. Kisses turn wet, ringing a hitch from Allen that compels him to look up and catch a glimpse of his face that's obscured by the angle of his chin when he tips his head back. Lost in a curtain of silver, Shouto debates asking him about the sound when Allen answers for him.

He smiles into his throat, and the fingers at his lower back grip his jacket with more force. ]

Collar.

[ Is his only audible response, returning to his throat to follow through with his promise, spending considerable time at the crook of his neck, while he works on his tie. It loosens under his guidance and he gently slips it off, letting it drop between them, before moving onto the buttons of his jacket where he starts to undo them, one by one, working them between thumb and forefinger. ]

[ There's no jacket, he removes his long uniform coat along with his gloves and boots first thing when he gets home. His waistcoat and formal but sleeveless shirt are both button-up however, and as Shouto works methodically to undo his waistcoat and Allen wonders if he should help him or not, if he should help him out of his own jacket as well but finding the angle not good for it (except perhaps to remove his backplate if he hadn't yet? which Allen would softly chastise him for keeping on during dinner if that's something he does), his expression flickers suddenly in watching him. A pang of recognition hitting him.

Quietly undressing him, a heavy but gentle kind of intimacy thick between them-- It's like when he first brought him home with him almost exactly a year ago, helping him remove his clothes to bathe when his legs wouldn't work after dying. It's a different kind of intimate feeling now, but one that still hammers the memory home vividly and stirs butterflies in his stomach again. One button, two, three--

(Bringing him home...)

He leans in to kiss the crown of Shouto's head as it's bowed in focus, holding it for a poignant and sweet moment, before doing it again -- and then again. A gentle cascade of kisses wherever he can reach along his head and shoulders in the same methodic, calm tempo that he's unbuttoning his clothes with that are followed by light, appreciative touches.

There's no good angle at Shouto's jacket without making him stop, and right now what Allen wants is to encourage him so that will have to wait. He'll just continue to hold and kiss him in the meantime. ]

Chest? [ Soft and breathy by his ear, it sounds half guess and half request. A little anticipatory. ]

Edited 2023-04-20 16:53 (UTC)

[ No backplate. Next to Allen's jacket hangs his combat vest, metal wrist guards, and utility belt leaving him in his hero outfit and snow boots. Normally, he'd bathe before dinner, and dress in a yukata or sweats. During the day, he'd wear proper clothes, though not as meticulous with his outfit as Allen, he can put himself together quite nicely when he cares to.

Tonight, he ran late picking up the papers along with dinner, so he's in uniform still. If Allen means to remove it, he'll have to undo the metal clasp around his throat that houses a temperature sensor. He'll find the zipper a little stiff, made of high-grade material it's meant to stay in place during combat. It's a different experience than slipping a button between a stitched slit one-handed, a lot less smoother.

The last button get lost in the bunched material at his hips, and Shouto has to pull his mouth away from Allen's collar to find it. Looking down, he inadvertently gives Allen the perfect opening. Slow and meticulous, he finds the stray hidden in the folds of his waist coat, and slips off the last hold out with every intention of capturing his mouth in a kiss afterwards when those words are breathed in his ear.

He shivers, shoulder jerking slightly as the feeling travels down his back. Chest? Another question, but this time, he's not fooled by it. He looks up, teal and grey catching his eyes. ]

Chest.

[ He confirms, and capturing the waistcoat from the ends to lift it up over his head. ]

[ Their eyes meeting, Allen smiles softly finally at that, the little shiver and twitch he had for a moment there. Heart full of only the gentlest affection, he leans in kiss Shouto on the mouth sweetly in response. Sweetly, but not chastely. Not with such an undercurrent of youthful eagerness mixed with passion in wanting to tangle together and become breathless.

Vests like his don't get pulled over one's head once they've been unbuttoned, after all, so it doesn't get in the way of that. And Allen helps shrug it loose with a practiced roll of his bare shoulders, one pale and one marked up in scarlet red, without even needing to break the kiss so Shouto can pull it free and let it drop to the side. He's small and it's small, practically a scrap of clothing tailored exactly to him. It's not hard to take off --

-- although it might be a little harder with trying to kiss each other at the same time. And for a moment his arms get tangled up in it so they have to break apart so he can free himself, a soft and breathy sound like laughter hiding under his breath passing between them in the clumsy end to the kiss that has his lips curving in a smile. Until he frees himself while most likely needing his help and glances back to Shouto with such a sheepish but happy kind of look, head cocked to the side, and laughs gently.

Laughing at the silliness of it, but also so truly happily and lighthearted. Like they're sharing in some kind of secret, as he reaches for him again more playfully. ]

Edited 2023-04-21 01:32 (UTC)

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