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[ Out of all the responses he's expecting, a bop on the head with a throw pillow isn't one of them. He's caught completely off-guard and blinks a few times to figure out what just happened, realizing - yes, he just got hit with a decorative pillow. ]

....

[ He stares at Allen, hair sliding back neatly into place, completely out of his element, with no idea how to respond to that reprieve. ]

... Dummy?

[ Good. Sit there and think about what you've done. ]

Yes!! Dummy!

[ Allen huffs, agitation not abating but picking up a good head of steam as he rises up to the full height he has while on his knees. Boy howdy better step back. ]

Who else takes a perfectly normal, nice thing that happens and decides it has to be terrible and they're terrible-- especially when I told you the opposite!! The total opposite!

It's you! A dummy! Who's punishing the both of us for something that didn't even actually happen -- again! People get jumpy for reasons other than something hurts or is bad, you know!!

[ Do you think you're going to be able to get a word in edgewise? No! Not until he's done! Because he's also going to keep rounding closer on Shouto while armed with a scolding finger the likes of which any British governess would be proud of. It's with all the actual threat of a puffed up chickadee, but he's sure serious about it. ]

Do you know how hard it is for me to talk about any of this sort of stuff??? It's hard! Really hard! So what if I want to do more than just kiss you, talking about that kind of thing is scary! It's good, but scary! And then when I do and tell you I like something you go ahead and just ignore it so you can keep your own miserable assumptions that just make both of us feel terrible when it should be a happy thing!! It's--

[ Ergh, words. He huffs, leveling a finger at him a final time with decisive flourish. ]

It's disrespectful!

Edited 2023-04-19 00:33 (UTC)

[ He's sitting. The slightly dazed expression - that has nothing to do with that mediocre hit - getting slightly nervous the moment he rises to his... knees? Don't worry Allen, it's still intimidating.

Shouto looks up, all two inches, fascinated by the cavalier change. You look very haughty and not at all like anything he's ever seen before. It's... a finger in his face. He blinks properly scolded. ]

....

[ He doesn't even think about responding when he's on a rant for what might be the first time he's ever witnessed. It's mesmerizing. A little appealing, if not for his words. He... found it hard to talk about... what exactly? More confounding is the final stab he lays down at the end with all the flourish of a gallant speech he's unsure what to make of, but knows better than to question when Allen clearly has something to say.

Looking a little spellbound, Shouto keeps staring up, caught in his sails with absolutely no idea if he's done. ]

[ It's the first time he's seen him like this because it's hard to get him mad enough to speak his mind!! Good job!! ]

...

[ Well when you say nothing and keep staring up at him like that it's a little satisfying, but also starts to take the wind out of his sails more than anything. He falters for a moment, and then deflates. Sighing a little heavily as he sits back down, but also reaches out to throw his arms around Shouto's shoulders in the same motion.

To hug him a little clumsily, but not ungently -- and so he can hide his face against his shoulder that way. ]

You can talk now if you want. [ decidedly muttered against his jacket, a little sulky ]

Edited 2023-04-19 02:00 (UTC)

[ They were nice sails. Tall, white, and a little flappy when he shoves his face against his shoulder prompting Shouto to hold onto him. ]

...

[ Even if Allen says that it doesn't change the fact that there's a lot to unpack there. He'll need a moment to straighten it all out in his head, and figure out what he wants to address first. You did make a speech out of it.

His fingers curl around his back, holding onto him, not tightly, but firm. At least his hands aren't cold this time having regained some of their natural warmth as he stares at the top of his head, trying to get his emotions in order. ]

I've never seen you like that.

It was... inspiring.

Edited 2023-04-19 02:44 (UTC)

[ It's okay, he can take all the time he needs. Allen said his piece, and it's obvious enough Shouto wasn't going to just double down and wallow so that's all he can ask. But he was-- what?

Allen blinks for a moment at that, lifting his head slightly to risk peeking at Shouto. It's a little uncertain, but more curious than anything, and he seems content enough to stay where he is in the loose embrace. ]

"Inspiring?"

[ ??? He just... yelled at you... and was already starting to have slight regrets about it. Not about what he said, but maybe the tenor of it. But inspiring? ]

[ He grew up with people yelling at him. It's not something he registers all that much anymore. Bakugou speaks in yelling most of the time, and Shouto considers them friends. ]

You should speak your mind more.

[ He answers, looking down at him with an unfamiliar look that shifts to regret a moment later. ]

I don't know what to do. [ He admits. ] I don't... want to keep doing this. But, I've hurt you before, and I can't promise I won't do it again.

[ That response catches Allen a little off guard at first, you should speak your mind more, and he blinks for a second before pressing his lips together in thought and looking a touch schooled himself. Pillowing his head against his shoulder, he just watches Shouto with that thoughtful expression, and listens quietly as he continues to speak. Lets the silence stretch between them after as he gives it careful thought, and leans his head back as he stares off quietly at some unknown point across his chest. ]

Then... if you do, we can talk about it then. But right now you aren't. Not even a little. [ His voice is soft, but still clipped and direct. Very matter-of-fact, even if his expression is gentle.

I also hurt you too, remember. And Allen is the one who left scars. ]

I like it, your "experiment". I told you that. So... [ He nuzzles faintly at his neck then, not quite kissing it, demeanor softening. ] ...let's not say something is a bad idea until it is.

[ He's speaking more gently, but just with a quieter sort of finality like he had been before. He does give a final faint huff though, shifting a little to get more comfortable and cuddling rather unabashedly—for him—closer in the process. ]

And if you do hurt me I'll make you make it up to me.

[ Long fingers run through his hair while he huffs at him very deliberately. Oddly, he doesn't feel chastised at all this time. His other hand slips to the back of his neck when Allen leans closer to his chest, making himself comfortable on his lap. ]

Which part?

[ He asks before he remembers to ask about that what he meant before. His hand in his hair stills, quieting along with him. ]

Allen. What did you mean before when you said it was hard for you talk about?

[ The fingers running through his hair reminds him of how loosed and mussed it's gotten from its ponytail, so Allen reaches back to pull the ribbon holding it back loose entirely. He blinks at the question though and is about to clarify -- part? -- before Shouto seems to sober and continues on.

Oh. Right. ... He did that say, didn't he. There's a small flush, and he fidgets a little as he drops his gaze before answering. Finding something about the clasp on Shouto's collar fascinating as he idly plays with it a little. ]

It's just that... it's embarrassing. [ There's another small huff, but he's soothed by the hands on his neck and hair and relaxes further against Shouto, head pillowed against his collar. He winds one arm lightly around his waist in a loose embrace. ]

It isn't like it's something I've ever talked about before, you know.

[ except when passing judgment on others......... ]

Edited 2023-04-19 19:13 (UTC)

What's embarrassing?

[ This time, he starts combing his fingers through his hair to straighten out the loosened braid no longer contained. ]

[ Allen wrinkles his nose up at him at that. What?? Are you going to make him say it??? Isn't it obvious???

... maybe it isn't obvious. But that's half of the problem!! ]

What do you think? [ He would sound so. grouchy. If he didn't enjoy the fingers in his hair as much as he does. ]

Your hormones.

[ He answers nonchalantly, still threading his fingers through his hair without an ounce of embarrassment. ]

.................

[ Well. He isn't exactly... wrong, but that answer sure gets Allen to pick the pillow back up and lightly smack him with it anyway. You bastard, suspecting that and trying to make him say it anyway!! ]

So what if it is! That's normal to be embarrassed about!

[ Suspecting isn't the same as knowing and assuming things has already gotten him in trouble with Allen today, so when that pillow bops him a second time, Shouto stiffens not expecting the retaliation for... answering a question right???

Is that why he hit him? Because he was embarrassed? ]

Do you... want me to stop talking about it?

Edited 2023-04-19 23:30 (UTC)

[ Oh... he feels a little bad for that, expression becoming a little crestfallen immediately when he looks at him with that kicked expression. He bites his lip a little, looking both a little bashful and conflicted both. ]

It isn't that... [ Hesitating for a moment at first, his gaze flickers between Shouto and some point off to the side. ]

I want to be able to talk with you about things like that... but it isn't easy either. [ that's a lot harder to say, and he's able to say it only because he's wrestled silently with it for a lot longer than the last few minutes. ] I think that's why I was a little happy when you started asking me earlier.. and because you seemed so happy too.

[ Quietly, he reaches for one of his hands then if he can. Needing to hold it, even if just for a moment. ]

Does that make sense?

[ He hopes yes, because he isn't sure if it does entirely to him. ]

[ Not crestfallen, simply confused by the mixed signals. He's not good at reading them so he's hesitant, unsure if he's understanding correctly. ]

What is it then?

[ He captures his fingers in a firm grip, looking at Allen with steady eyes, trying to understand what he's trying to tell him, and utterly failing.

He shakes his head with unabashed sincerity. ]

Do you... You don't think you can talk to me about it?

[ He prompts, trying to get to the root of it. ]

Do you think it'd be easier to talk to someone else like Viktor?

[ Well that gets him to sputter lightly. ]

Absolutely not!!!

[ Okay, he... did talk to Viktor about some things. But definitely not that!! ]

I can talk to you about it. I was talking to you about it.

But you're embarrassed.

[ He concludes, finally feeling like he understands. ]

BUt, you also want to talk about it.

[ Therein lay the root of the mixed signals he realizes. He's quiet for a long moment, running his thumb over Allen's knuckles, while he tries to come up with a solution. ]

Do you want to bring it up instead?

[ This is getting absolutely nowhere fast and just making him slowly die inside. Shouto why. How did they get here.

No, you know, he'll be damned if they stay here. And that thought alone is enough to spur him into action, ignoring the question for now and putting his hands on Shouto's shoulders as he pivots and rises back up onto his knees. Expression shifting smoothly to one that yes, is a little exasperated, but moreso set with a sudden kind of certainty like he's made his mind up. And he swings one leg around as he straddles him properly to sit astride his lap in the familiar way he often did.

Nose lightly brushing nose as he lets his arms cross behind Shouto's neck, and settles in to loom slightly over him. ]

No. [ Said softly, seriously, and simply.

He leans closer, pressing their foreheads lightly together as his hair curtains around them, eyes searching. ]

Why were you happy when you asked me if it was distracting when you touched me?

[ He looks up, that weight on his shoulders not enough to budge him or make him take notice, unlike the smooth transition from embarrassed to vexed he's never seen directed at him. Chin angled up, he's caught in a curtain of white blanketing him in a world where only they exist. It captures his attention like nothing else could, and stirs the dormant smothered by ice. ]

I was hopeful.

[ He admits, reaching up to touch his cheek, snagging stray strands along the way. ]

That you felt the same way I did.

[ Immediately, that answer has his expression gentling. Eyes hooding a bit further softly when he touches his cheek and admits that and confirms Allen's feelings. ]

I do.

That's the part I want to talk about.

[ A quiet admittance too, one without any hesitation, and he lets his eyes close briefly as he leans into the touch to his cheek. Thick white lashes against nearly-white skin with how pale he is. ]

Except... [ His eyes open, fixing themselves to Shouto's again with a gentle and naked sort of transparency, and he brings a hand up to touch the edge of his chin lightly. Finding it easier to talk when the rest of the world is curtained off and it's just them. ] ...words don't always feel like the best way to say any of it.

[ Why do you think he always is reaching out to kiss or touch you? It's the only way he knows how say any of that. The only way that, ironically, isn't so cripplingly embarrassing it's unthinkable. But Allen's silent for a moment, just watching him so softly and so seriously for every flicker of expression, and seems to be weighing something very seriously. ]

Shouto.

[ There's a quiet sort of gravity to how he says his name. A loving downward cast to his eyes as his human hand continues to softly trace the outline of his face. Shifting slightly as he repositions over him in a sway of silvery white, knees pressing tighter against his hips, and he repeats his request from before. ]

Touch me?

[ Touch me?

A question, not a claim or invitation, steeped in that hesitation he's sensed before. The one that prompts him to step back and reevaluate sometimes. Eyes fixed on him, he runs his fingers up his jaw, brushing against the bloodstone.

You don't sound certain. ]

Where?

[ Teal and grey stay on him through the shimmer of silver, feeling his knees press against his hips. Was he nervous? ]

I want to know where so I don't surprise you again.

Edited 2023-04-20 03:13 (UTC)

[ Yet of that request he's entirely certain and means it wholly as invitation, and in that moment could not possibly sound more sure of himself.

Same question, same response. Allen's eyes close gently when he touches his ear and the band there, focusing in on the touch like it's such a precious thing itself. Unhurried and relaxed now. ]

Wherever you want. [ He turns his head to kiss the inside of his palm then, where the thin and raised edges of the scars on his hand are, and holds it for a long and sweet moment. Brings his left hand up to cover Shouto's hand so very gently as he begins to leave a trail of soft kiss down his arm. ]

Dummy... [ This time he says it so lovingly as term of endearment itself, and nibbles gently at where the pulse is in his wrist. ] I meant it.

I love to be surprised by you too.

[ Even, yes, when you can be really frustrating. ]

Edited 2023-04-20 03:36 (UTC)

[ There's no certainty in questions, not in his mind. Maybe that's why they've slipped past each other so many times. Same melody, different pitch. He shakes his head. They've gone in a circle, and this time, it's Shouto who's had enough. ]

Allen.

You used words first.

[ Every bit of confidence he possesses falls flat against the startled look of someone he wants to adore when he bares the blame for both good and bad looks. He needs to distinguish between them, and it's that reality that keeps him cool to his kisses, unwilling to follow his instincts. ]

Tell me where you want me to touch you.

[ He runs his free hand through his hair, sweeping back the cascade of silver to look at him directly. ]

I want to know what you look like when you're surprised in a good way.

When you're expecting it.

Edited 2023-04-20 04:20 (UTC)

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