likethelight | IC Contact @ Deer Country

[ Distracting? Allen blinks, caught offguard by yes, that, but moreso by and utterly amazed by the bright flush and spike in warmth. Why are you looking at him like that while asking him that?

He flushes a bit too, tongue-tied as he realizes why that might be, before he bites the inside of his lip lightly and smiles. Gaze flickering aside somewhat bashfully for a moment, before he meets Shouto's awe-touched stare again. ]

Only in a good kind of way. [ Something he admits softly and fondly, if a little shyly. ]

Good... kind of way...

[ If possible, more heat spills out in waves. But he needs to know, and he really sees nothing wrong with asking since the gym locker gets racier with Kaminari and Mineta a part of their class. ]

Do you mean...

[ He deliberately puts a heated hand on Allen's stomach. ]

Does it start there... and go down?

Edited 2023-04-16 20:58 (UTC)

[ omjshgsfhdjdfjssHANDS

To his credit, Allen does not jump sky high and half out of his skin, nor immediately jump out a window. Or try to smother Shouto with a pillow. All things that, at one point, were highly possible. But the slow nature with which their relationship had progressed, especially physically, gave him time to come to terms quietly with his own feelings and never really hit a true panic wall. Just shy of it and being overwhelmed or hitting a landmine sometimes, but always two steps behind where Shouto's quirk would start to get the best of him first. The conversation was always about that then, not his own much less noticeable internal struggle. It's been good that way. It's let him come to terms with at least some of the things about himself at his own pace, without it ever really having come up as an issue. He's not stupid; he has reasons for being as repressed as he is, most of which exist because it's never really come up. When those reasons are confronted and he realizes they no longer apply, or it feels sillier to try and hold onto them now with how they feel for each other... It's such a strange moment of feeling a pillar of your world shift and change, but he's felt more solid and sure of himself for it.

After all, at the end of the day he always follows his feelings. Trusts in them when often there's little else he can understand. With Shouto, that feeling is I want to be with you and make you happy. And he isn't so naive as to think that was always going to be a perfectly chaste sort of thing. He's far too worldly for that.

That said... ]

Ah! [ Jolting with a squeak, it's only through a secondary realization a split second later that he should stay perfectly still that Allen holds himself rather precariously steady on top of him. Doing that so unexpectedly without any warning... If his ears weren't already on fire from what he was asking. ... wait, what was he asking. O-oh...

Amazingly, the saving grace is that Shouto asks everything so utterly innocently and doesn't have a shred of ulterior motive. Even if Allen still flounders in trying to find any answer at all, only half comprehending the question even, and just finds himself with a cotton mouth. Almost settles his hand over where Shouto has placed his, and then decides rather violently against it. ]

That's, ah... [ don't squirm don't squirm don't squirm...

Is this conversation actually real? Because it doesn't seem that way and he's a little lightheaded. But he lets an anxious breath out along with the last illusions he was holding on to, and lets his fingers brush along Shouto's arm lightly. Voice drops, becoming a little softer. ]

That's... part of it, I think?

Edited 2023-04-16 22:11 (UTC)

[ Unlike Allen, Shouto has no such qualms. He's straightforward and comes from a modern culture where sex education is taught in primary school. It helps that same-sex couples were not foreign to him even if it was frowned upon by the media. Or that he could care less what the media thinks after they deliberately ignored his family's plight for years.

It also helps that he likes Allen, not just as a friend. In the last year, he's had to recontextualize much of what he's ignored in the past. Even in passing, he had no interest in the subject with more urgent concerns taking up his time. It was different now, and he had no one to turn to ask except Allen himself.

But, the moment he jolts at his touch, Shouto thinks he's made a mistake. He snatches his hand away, stunned surprise flickering across his face. Did he burn him? Worry instantly mars his expression, and he shuts down. Even when he finds no scorch marks on his jacket, the waves of heat stop abruptly, and Allen's answer loses its meaning in the aftermath. ]

Did I hurt you?

Edited 2023-04-16 23:05 (UTC)

[ Oh--

Blinking first at the suddenness of how he recoils, Allen's brows knit together and his expression softens in sympathetic recognition. He thought he hurt him?

His own anxieties and hesitation melts away in an instant, and without saying a word at first he just shakes his head and reaches out for the hand he jerked away. To catch his wrist gently and bring his hand up to his face, so he can press his lips so very softly to his palm and the texture of the light scarring there. Very slowly and purposefully, and nuzzling his hand lightly thereafter. ]

No, I'm fine. [ His eyes flicker down to meet Shouto's, voice soft as he speaks gently against his palm. Steady and not so flighty, and he tips his head lightly into the contact like one might a loving touch and lets his eyes close peaceably. ]

You surprised me a little... that's all.

[ His muscles bunch up when Allen tries to sway him to touch his cheek, and in what might be the first time since they've met, Shouto resists his hold, snatching his hand back to his chest where his fingers bunch up against the fabric of his uniform made specifically for him. His eyes flick down to his stomach again, yet the absence of burn marks fails to erase that strained look or ease that white-knuckled hold. ]

I should have asked.

[ He manages in the softest tone. ]

Edited 2023-04-18 00:45 (UTC)

[ It hurts, honestly. The way he pulls his hand back so quickly and looks so hurt; seems to blame himself so much for something that isn't even bad.

It hurts because Allen recognizes that feeling, like someone reliving a past mistake, and it makes his heart twist. ]

Shouto... [ His voice is soft even if his expression is conflicted, wanting to reach out but knowing better after he pulled away, and he just leans forward a little to draw close and emphasize his point. ] You don't have to ask anymore.

[ Didn't you admonish him about that before? Asking permission to touch or to hold. Allen hesitates for a moment, trying to find the words in very new and unsure waters that leave him a little out of his depth, and bites the inside of his lip lightly. ]

Surprises... can be good things too. Even if they're a little surprising at first.

[ But it doesn't feel like enough, and he decides rather quickly before he's even fully considered what he's decided. Voice soft and earnest, eyes clear and certain. ]

Touch me?

[ The white-knuckle hold on his zipper loosens slightly. He nods but doesn't let go, even when Allen explains. He tries to force the feeling down, but that initial panic he'd felt moments before still holds him in its grip.

Still, he tries to ignore it. Works through the feeling, throat a little dry at the request ]

.... where?

[ He reaches out to touch his cheek gently at that, letting his palm rest so very lightly but warmly against the contours of his face. Slowly and delicately, like one might with a skittish animal. Plainly: ]

Wherever you want.

[ But, a pause. ] Here...

[ Voice soft and low still, like speaking in secrets, and keeping his eyes directly on Shouto's, he reaches again for his wrist quietly and purposefully. Easy to break away from if he balked again, waiting for him to relax if he tenses again, and brings it up to press his palm lightly to his chest. Just under the loosened collar and over his heart where it beats with the strong as it always does, but fast and a little erratic, skin warm even through the thin and well-worn layers of his shirt and waistcoat. ]

When you're warm I know you're happy... and when you're hot and cold both, I know you're probably feeling as affected as I am.

[ A light tug to warn him first, and he encourages his hand to move a little lower to his stomach, near where he'd first reached, and he leans down then to kiss the crest of his cheekbone lightly. A simple, soft and sweet press of lips. ]

All of that makes me happy too, so please don't feel like you have to pull away.

[ Allen will find the skin underneath his palm cold, like a brisk autumn day. Gone is the outpour of heat and confidence from minutes before. This time, Shouto doesn't pull away, caught by those molten eyes filled with secrets he barely understands.

That grip on his cold wrist feels like being led out to sea. He follows his voice, eyes set squarely on Allen as he sets his hand over a beating heart that follows an erratic beat.

Was he... nervous? He knows it's not fear from the soft look in his eye and gentle hold.

The mere notion catches him off guard, and for a moment, he starts to relax, failing to realize where exactly Allen means to take it. Instincts have him resisting, dragging his wrist back, even as his eyes close at the unexpected kiss he imparts on his cheek. ]

I--I don't want to hurt you.

Edited 2023-04-18 02:55 (UTC)

[ The irony is, he has hurt him before too. Several times with unintentional burns, though much of that is also on Allen throwing himself headfirst at him even when he knew he might get burnt. Once with spears of ice that made him bleed out faster than Crown Clown could staunch the wounds, even if he had already been on death's door from his other injuries. For all intensive purposes, Allen should absolutely be the one more gunshy at the idea of that happening again. Especially as they become more intimate and that might... hurt a lot...

But he isn't. Rationally he knows that probably he should be, but that isn't how he feels, and so he just tips his head slightly to press another kiss softly against his temple. ]

Haven't you been working hard not to?

[ It's said with a small, loving nuzzle to the side of his face, where Allen realizes the bloodstone band there and kisses that too. He doesn't try to fight him or force his hand when he tenses and resists, but he doesn't let go either. ]

I trust you.

[ He remembers every burn. The spikes of ice. All in combat when neither of them was in full control. He could forgive himself for those. Aware that he wasn't fully to blame, but the rest?

The rest was all him. The parallels impossible to ignore then. He thought he could overcome it, but one false move and the truth was exposed, impossible to unsee. ]

I was using you.

[ A soft admission, head lowering, away from the delicate kisses, he didn't deserve. ]

I shouldn't have done that.

[ Well that gets Allen to stumble a bit and raise his head, too flummoxed to even be upset. What?

No, really. What? ]

"Using...?" [ ....???? ]

[ He draws back this time, removing himself from his grasp. Undeserving of him. ]

Experimenting. [ He admits. ] Instead of figuring it out on my own.

[ How else would you call it, if not using him for his own selfish reasons. ]

[ ...

Shouto. You... ... are the dumbest man alive.

Staring for a moment at that, absolutely flabbergasted. Slack-jaw flabbergasted. Yes you can be dense but how is it possible you're that dense!! We just talked about this!! Are you calling him a liar!! No, it isn't that and he knows it! It's actually worse! He goes out on SUCH A LIMB and admits something he is ABSOLUTELY not used to having to admit and that took a lot for him get to considering let alone admitting out loud, has reiterated so many times in the past few minutes how there was nothing bad and in fact only good things he'd done--and you just ignore it to stick to your own self-loathing narrative! When there is absolutely nothing that happened! Nothing!!! Absolutely nothing happened!!! And yet you want to crawl back into that hole with your trauma and wallow in it and just make them both miserable--

There's a flash of rare ire and assertiveness in his silver eyes, a twitch of the mouth in disbelief, and decisiveness as he rises up on his knees then and-- ]

[ reaches for a pillow to bop him with. ]

Dummy.

You're doing it again.

Edited 2023-04-18 18:34 (UTC)

[ Out of all the responses he's expecting, a bop on the head with a throw pillow isn't one of them. He's caught completely off-guard and blinks a few times to figure out what just happened, realizing - yes, he just got hit with a decorative pillow. ]

....

[ He stares at Allen, hair sliding back neatly into place, completely out of his element, with no idea how to respond to that reprieve. ]

... Dummy?

[ Good. Sit there and think about what you've done. ]

Yes!! Dummy!

[ Allen huffs, agitation not abating but picking up a good head of steam as he rises up to the full height he has while on his knees. Boy howdy better step back. ]

Who else takes a perfectly normal, nice thing that happens and decides it has to be terrible and they're terrible-- especially when I told you the opposite!! The total opposite!

It's you! A dummy! Who's punishing the both of us for something that didn't even actually happen -- again! People get jumpy for reasons other than something hurts or is bad, you know!!

[ Do you think you're going to be able to get a word in edgewise? No! Not until he's done! Because he's also going to keep rounding closer on Shouto while armed with a scolding finger the likes of which any British governess would be proud of. It's with all the actual threat of a puffed up chickadee, but he's sure serious about it. ]

Do you know how hard it is for me to talk about any of this sort of stuff??? It's hard! Really hard! So what if I want to do more than just kiss you, talking about that kind of thing is scary! It's good, but scary! And then when I do and tell you I like something you go ahead and just ignore it so you can keep your own miserable assumptions that just make both of us feel terrible when it should be a happy thing!! It's--

[ Ergh, words. He huffs, leveling a finger at him a final time with decisive flourish. ]

It's disrespectful!

Edited 2023-04-19 00:33 (UTC)

[ He's sitting. The slightly dazed expression - that has nothing to do with that mediocre hit - getting slightly nervous the moment he rises to his... knees? Don't worry Allen, it's still intimidating.

Shouto looks up, all two inches, fascinated by the cavalier change. You look very haughty and not at all like anything he's ever seen before. It's... a finger in his face. He blinks properly scolded. ]

....

[ He doesn't even think about responding when he's on a rant for what might be the first time he's ever witnessed. It's mesmerizing. A little appealing, if not for his words. He... found it hard to talk about... what exactly? More confounding is the final stab he lays down at the end with all the flourish of a gallant speech he's unsure what to make of, but knows better than to question when Allen clearly has something to say.

Looking a little spellbound, Shouto keeps staring up, caught in his sails with absolutely no idea if he's done. ]

[ It's the first time he's seen him like this because it's hard to get him mad enough to speak his mind!! Good job!! ]

...

[ Well when you say nothing and keep staring up at him like that it's a little satisfying, but also starts to take the wind out of his sails more than anything. He falters for a moment, and then deflates. Sighing a little heavily as he sits back down, but also reaches out to throw his arms around Shouto's shoulders in the same motion.

To hug him a little clumsily, but not ungently -- and so he can hide his face against his shoulder that way. ]

You can talk now if you want. [ decidedly muttered against his jacket, a little sulky ]

Edited 2023-04-19 02:00 (UTC)

[ They were nice sails. Tall, white, and a little flappy when he shoves his face against his shoulder prompting Shouto to hold onto him. ]

...

[ Even if Allen says that it doesn't change the fact that there's a lot to unpack there. He'll need a moment to straighten it all out in his head, and figure out what he wants to address first. You did make a speech out of it.

His fingers curl around his back, holding onto him, not tightly, but firm. At least his hands aren't cold this time having regained some of their natural warmth as he stares at the top of his head, trying to get his emotions in order. ]

I've never seen you like that.

It was... inspiring.

Edited 2023-04-19 02:44 (UTC)

[ It's okay, he can take all the time he needs. Allen said his piece, and it's obvious enough Shouto wasn't going to just double down and wallow so that's all he can ask. But he was-- what?

Allen blinks for a moment at that, lifting his head slightly to risk peeking at Shouto. It's a little uncertain, but more curious than anything, and he seems content enough to stay where he is in the loose embrace. ]

"Inspiring?"

[ ??? He just... yelled at you... and was already starting to have slight regrets about it. Not about what he said, but maybe the tenor of it. But inspiring? ]

[ He grew up with people yelling at him. It's not something he registers all that much anymore. Bakugou speaks in yelling most of the time, and Shouto considers them friends. ]

You should speak your mind more.

[ He answers, looking down at him with an unfamiliar look that shifts to regret a moment later. ]

I don't know what to do. [ He admits. ] I don't... want to keep doing this. But, I've hurt you before, and I can't promise I won't do it again.

[ That response catches Allen a little off guard at first, you should speak your mind more, and he blinks for a second before pressing his lips together in thought and looking a touch schooled himself. Pillowing his head against his shoulder, he just watches Shouto with that thoughtful expression, and listens quietly as he continues to speak. Lets the silence stretch between them after as he gives it careful thought, and leans his head back as he stares off quietly at some unknown point across his chest. ]

Then... if you do, we can talk about it then. But right now you aren't. Not even a little. [ His voice is soft, but still clipped and direct. Very matter-of-fact, even if his expression is gentle.

I also hurt you too, remember. And Allen is the one who left scars. ]

I like it, your "experiment". I told you that. So... [ He nuzzles faintly at his neck then, not quite kissing it, demeanor softening. ] ...let's not say something is a bad idea until it is.

[ He's speaking more gently, but just with a quieter sort of finality like he had been before. He does give a final faint huff though, shifting a little to get more comfortable and cuddling rather unabashedly—for him—closer in the process. ]

And if you do hurt me I'll make you make it up to me.

[ Long fingers run through his hair while he huffs at him very deliberately. Oddly, he doesn't feel chastised at all this time. His other hand slips to the back of his neck when Allen leans closer to his chest, making himself comfortable on his lap. ]

Which part?

[ He asks before he remembers to ask about that what he meant before. His hand in his hair stills, quieting along with him. ]

Allen. What did you mean before when you said it was hard for you talk about?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject