likethelight | IC Contact @ Deer Country

[ Allen smiles more broadly as that brings a lot more relief than he knew he needed, and squeezes Shouto's hand gently in response. In one smooth motion, he tips his head to the side to kiss his temple sweetly as he picks up the papers and sets them a bit further aside for now so as not to get crumpled. Because he also reaches out to pull Shouto down on top of him as he leans back, the movement seeming more understated by how quietly forthright and natural he is about it.

He bumps their noses lightly, grey eyes quietly intense and glittering like he's trying to see something deeper in Shouto's own. ]

Do you want to hold me too?

[ His eyes fall shut, mouth curving into a barely-there smile, accepting the kiss and the warmth it imparts. They open when he hears the shuffle of papers, and his gaze falls to what he's doing. The smile fades, but quickly twists into acute curiosity when he's pulled down.

Shouto holds Allen's gaze, assessing in that quiet way of his, trying to pinpoint what he means by that because there's only one answer he would ever give. ]

Yes.

[ He says, eyes glittering with confidence for the first time. This at least, he understands - his own feelings. Without waiting for another prompt, Shouto does just that, curving an arm around his lower spine and easily lifting him to his chest, though adds: ]

Is this okay?

[ It's what Allen understands best too, better than words on paper, and his expression softens as he's half lifted up against him. ]

Mm. [ He leans up to brush their lips together, eyes fluttering quietly shut so his attention can narrow and focus on how the slow prelude to the kiss to come feels. So he can try and put his all into it. But he doesn't at first, drawing out the contact first in nuzzling lovingly at him. ]

I missed you.

[ It isn't the first time he's said it, but his arms cross behind Shouto's neck and fold along his shoulders as he brings him down for a long kiss, soft and languid. Relaxing into the embrace as he does so and letting Shouto hold most of his weight up, not that there's that much of it to begin with. So he can get lost in the way he can still taste the tea that the other had been drinking on his tongue, unhurried and giving the kiss room to speak for itself. ]

[ Sinking into the kiss is a matter of letting go of his worry and apprehension. He breathes in the heat of his mouth, adding his own to the mix as his fingers curl around his jacket. ]

I've been here.

[ He says between breaths, feeling his quirk begin to stir in pace with the kiss. Placid, languid, and soft. Until he turns, the tables, switching positions with Allen and settling him on top to free his hands. They run through his hair, silky and smooth. He smiles fondly up at him for a moment before kissing him freely. ]

I'm sorry, I left.

[ One month spent in deep sleep. Two, if he counted the month spent searching for his mother and siblings. His fingers curl around his neck, the back of his hand brushing against the bloodstone made from his blood. ]

You don't need to sign them.

[ He answers quietly, brushing his hair back to better see his face. ]

Signing them doesn't matter.

[ He kisses him on the lips, soft and sweet, his heart filled with a deep-rooted fondness it's impossible to hide. ]

I wanted you to have them. [ To give him that option, so he always knew it was there for him to take. ] That's all.

[ Allen doesn't believe in signing such things either, truth be told. It's too artificial and removed from the matter to him and just muddies how people actually feel. It would only be important if it were important to Shouto too, was because he had put effort into it, and even then what hesitation he would have shown... all of personal feelings on the matter were shelved the instant he said it was still because of when Allen had been the one to leave before. Guilt will make him shelve his entire self in an instant like that, do whatever it takes to make amends. So saying that signing them doesn't matter--

The moment Shouto starts to shift him around Allen realizes what's happening and smoothly adapts, rolling neatly atop him as only an acrobat can. He holds himself lightly up, one side of his mouth curling up fondly as his hands thread through Allen's long ponytail, and his eyes hooding with a soft kind of affection at the way he's looking up at him. The hand on the back of his neck gets a small reflexive shiver from him that has him lightly catch Shouto's other wrist so he can press a small kiss to it, before he lets him go and Shouto brushes lightly at the bangs that are falling in front of his face. The bloodstone band heats up from the casual brush, with a warm and tingly sort of hum.

Signing them doesn't matter...

He smiles softly, drawing close until their noses lightly brush, and brushes some of Shouto's hair from his face in kind, gravity helping him for once in the endeavor. Kisses him softly at first then, before he responds. ]

I don't need papers to know how you feel about me either. Or how I feel about you... [ His head drops slightly, lips skimming along down the line of his jaw, until they find the junction where jaw meets throat and he presses a lingering kiss into the hollow there. ]

Even if next time you might go to sleep even longer.

[ He lingers, breathing out softly. ] But...

[ Allen reaches for his hand then, to squeeze with a quiet desperation that doesn't line up with the calm, soft sort of smile he has as he pulls back to look at him. ]

...can I give you my answer anyway?

[ His fingers grip the back of his neck reflexively, shivering underneath him at the press of his lips at his throat. His heart flutters in his chest, skin growing warm. It takes considerable focus on his part to keep up with their discussion instead of letting his thoughts stray as they're prone to when they get like this. ]

They weren't for me. [ He breathes through his mouth, tipping his head to the side to give him more room. ] They were for you. So, you know... it belongs to you too.

[ Shouto thought about it long after they made up, singularly aware that Allen had never taken back his words. They apologized, and life returned to what it had been, but it wasn't. Not for him because now he knew. He'd never forgotten how serious Allen had been. How he'd believed his own words.

Shouto knew what it felt like to have a home that wasn't a home. To live in a space that belonged to someone else. Who, at any moment, might come barging in with threats and demands. And while, he knew he would never do that, what assurances did Allen have? ]

So, you know you have a right to it too.

[ Oh.

That makes his head jerk up a little suddenly, caught truly off-guard for the first time. He'd misunderstood his exact intentions with the gesture, even if they were still talking about essentially the same thing. But that's a very important distinction. It was because you wanted him to felt that he belonged too.

Allen blinks, stares. A few misty droplets caught in his lashes as he tries to find a response he can only stumble for when a moment ago he was so calm and eloquent. He did know now, that he wasn't just a visitor now but part of it. It had taken realizing back then it was doing Shouto and what they both felt a disservice, that it had been what hurt him, but... it's also not something that changes overnight. It was baby steps. No longer sleeping at Sanctuary unless it was necessary and he just needed the nap, the majority of his things (not that he had many at all) being here, hanging up pictures at Christmas, rearranging things in the kitchen and being a little less tidy in general. Little things like that; the process of living.

It's a slow process more because he doesn't know how to have a home, a "normal" home, more than purposefully holding himself back from one-- and it doesn't diminish the magnitude of that gesture. That Shouto remembered and months later presented him with something like this for that purpose--

He finds his voice finally but it doesn't come with words, not at first, and he bows his head momentarily, arms trembling lightly. Half holding himself back for a moment-- and then not. Tumbling forward like a dog let off a leash, he wraps both arms around Shouto and buries himself against him. ]

Thank you.

[ Just that, whispered rough-soft by his ear as his fingers dig into his hair and he holds him close. ]

Edited 2023-04-15 23:43 (UTC)

[ The thing is, he didn't need Allen here. He didn't even need Tim to remind him of his intentions. All he needed was for Allen to know that this was his home, too. It didn't need to be his only one. And months after their first fight, Shouto still wasn't sure Allen understood that.

Every good intention got twisted into something else. The last straw was finding Tim here while Allen was gone. He thought it was strange at first, but after Allen's return and finding out the reason he left Tim behind, Shouto had had enough and gone to work. It took him week to figure out what he wanted to do, but in the end, this was the best way. Formal in a way nothing else in their relationship was. Formal in the only way he could make Allen understand that it wasn't his feelings on the line, but Allen's.

That's why, hearing him say that he'd sign it when he'd only looked at it once, Shouto knew he still didn't understand. That he might find Tim one day without Allen, leaving himself vulnerable on a mission, because he thought Shouto needed the reassurance.

That's why he hesitated.

But when Allen abruptly stops, and his gaze meets a misty one, Shouto knows he finally understood. He trembles, and Shouto holds him in his arms, kissing his cheek, his ear, his nose. Every place he can find. ]

You don't need to thank me. [ He smiles into each kiss, sweet and delicate. ]. It was yours too from the start.

[ He cups his face in his hands, gazing at him lovingly. ]

Since, I first brought you here from the beach a year ago.

[ Here he thought he was the one who needed to reassure you, when you were the one reassuring him all along. Allen laughs weakly to realize that as Shouto quietly rains kisses across his face, voice cracking, but it's a happy sound.

It makes him feel so silly, realizing that, but also leaves his heart feeling so full that the tears like out. ]

It's already been a year? [ Said breathlessly with a laugh, and he tries to catch his lips with his own the next time he kisses his cheek. Getting tangled up in trying to kiss him back too, even if he still has things he wants to say, except that he misses and just ends up knocking their noses together in a way that smarts a bit. He laughs again, sheepishly but with true joy too. Like someone sharing in a secret.

One year. Not since he "died", but since he came home. ]

I'm going to start feeling old.

Almost.

[ He nudges his chin up so he can kiss his throat at his leisure. ]

In a few weeks.

[ One year since he realized the true extent of his feelings for him. What it felt like to lose him. The ache in his chest knowing his light no longer shined brightly in this world. It wasn't a romantic feeling like how he kissed him now, but one steeped in friendship and loyalty that still ran strongly within him, even if another feeling had taken over.

It was the first time he brought him home. The first time he offered it to him - to anyone. Not in so many words, but in the gesture itself, even if he didn't know it then. ]

I'll make you a cake to celebrate.

[ The first time anyone offered that to Allen, too. Lenalee saying she hoped and believed the Order was like a home to them all was different; dear that it was, it's not the same thing. Mana had no home to offer but the offer to stay by his side was "home" enough for Allen, "home" in all the senses that mattered, but... "Allen" was not the Allen that Mana saw, and he only went with him, only decided to continue living for that reason, out of sense of obligation to give what little happiness he could to the man he had broken in order to make amends.

Shouto's always been different.

So he lifts his head to oblige him, his breath catching the moment his lips seal against his throat. Allen's fingers tighten slightly into mixed strands of red and white at that, encouraging, as he exhales a little shakily. Oh. He might like it even better like this. ]

With lemon? [ It's a soft murmur, a small and breathless request as he shifts slightly around him. ]

With lemon.

[ He agrees, dipping his head down to suck lightly at his throat without leaving a mark. He much prefers to cherish him for now, and runs his fingers through his hair, making a mess of his braid as he's prone to do these days. ]

I'll make two.

[ One for Allen. One for Tim. With their appetites and penchant for sweets, he doesn't think one will be enough. ]

You can set the table this time.

[ His lips move to his collar, sucking lightly at the bone, leaving behind a chill when there'd been nothing but heat at his throat. ]

[ And here Allen thinks when he says two that means he gets a whole one to himself and they can share the other. Tim will be so delighted to have his own cake, especially if it's yellow like he is.

Part of Allen's reason for the request? Maybe. He's always loved Tim's bright yellow.

He breathes out as Shouto's mouth trails lower and his loose collar and necktie is nudged aside, revealing some of the large scar that bisects his torso as it spiders across the bone there, and Allen continues to lovingly card his fingers through his hair. Pulse picking up but lulled by the loving attention at the same time. ]

Mm. [ Content but still short of breath, he cranes to try and kiss the side of Shouto's temple as his head dips down again. He wants to kiss you too. ] Maybe we can get more of those bath bombs you fou— [ blink, stutter; gasp ] —oh..

[ Caught offguard, sucking on the collarbone itself has his stomach do a flip and pulls that soft, surprised squeak of a moan from him with a small jolt. Oh. ]

[ Shouto will only want a piece so he will get mostly a whole cake. Tim doesn't need to share, since Kizu doesn't eat. He's been reading the pastry book that was severely overpriced more often these days. He's tried a recipe or two, messing up here and there, but nothing like the time he mistakenly put in salt for sugar. Allen would have noticed that their salt is now distinctly pink for very particular reasons since Shouto tried his own debacle and nearly gagged.

Smooth skin soon gives way to tough and roughen skin, marking the familiar scar that ran from his shoulder down to his hip. He's grown used to the change in texture, finding it very Allen-like. Not that he has any other reference. But he's hero, and scars are part of their work. It doesn't deter him from loosening his tie to gain access to the stretch of textured skin, imparting a cold chill to leave an impression, before sucking on the skin with a mouth that swings from cold to hot in the span of a few moments.

When Allen cuts himself off, Shouto lifts his head up enough to catch his eyes. He knows exactly what cut him off. ]

Is this okay?

[ He can't even be upset about the salt cake because he's so happy you're at least taste-testing your own things now before you feed them to other people. Also he loves to watch people bake, especially if they're baking things for him. But when did you learn to do that????? Alternating cold and hot??? Is that on purpose???

He blinks, flushing. Stares. Breath a little more labored than he remembered it being a moment ago, and he shakes his head. ]

It's okay. [ Shifting to sit up a little to given them both more room, Allen reaches for his hands, so he might thread their fingers together, and bends down to kiss him then. Sweetly still but much more thorough and deeply, with the pent-up passion he just nudged awake within him. His breath comes in a small puff when he pulls back enough to look at him, long white hair falling forward around them from where his ponytail had been mussed. Still close enough for them to almost be kissing just to speak, his eyes are a warm and darker soft grey as he balances himself on his elbows. ]

I always like it when you kiss me.

[ It's not something he learned. It's his quirk. But with the way he looks at him, it's clear he's watching him for a reaction. He knows exactly what he did, but not how Allen will take it. It's rare for him to use his quirk on someone without reason.

His gaze follows him as he gets up, making no expression at the answer he receives, and preemptively loosens his grip on the back of his neck, letting go. He looks down when Allen takes his hand, and up again to search for a reaction when he's met with a kiss. Startled, it takes Shouto a moment to kiss him back, letting Allen take the lead. He's breathing a little heavy by the time Allen pulls back, and it takes Shouto a moment to follow his answer. Frowning, a little when he finally gets there. ]

Not the kiss. [ That's not what he was asking about. ] My quirk. I thought...

[ How to explain it. He'd gotten better at controlling it when they were together like this, but it required too much of his focus when he wasn't exactly focused. And even then, it still leaked out exposing Allen to the elements. It was only a matter of time before that exposure became too much. ]

If I give it an outlet. It might be easier to control.

Edited 2023-04-16 17:29 (UTC)

[ Oh, well.

Allen blinks for a second. ...And then again a second time as a slow, much more noticeable flush creeps up his neck as the seconds tick by. Asking him that sort of thing directly when he already tried to answer discreetly--

He ducks his head in a desperate attempt to not combust from embarrassment on the spot. ]

It feels nice. [ Said, muffled, against his neck. ]

[ It's because he didn't answer directly that Shouto has to make sure he's not misunderstanding. It's important. ]

Oh.

[ He blinks, looking a bit confused if a little surprised. He'll think about that answer a little more closely later. ]

Edited 2023-04-16 18:20 (UTC)

[ Right now, he still hasn't answered his question which earns Allen a very focused Shouto. Maybe it's a matter of not explaining himself well enough. Considering the incident with the papers, he's more than aware of his inadequacies. So, he tries for a more direct approach to avoid any misunderstandings. ]

I'm asking if it's okay if I use my quirk when we kiss. I have to balance my quirk which means alternating between cold and hot. If I need an outlet for fire.

[ He leans forward imparting a frosty kiss on his throat before pulling back, watching him closely for any reaction as a chilly mist drifts from his mouth. ]

It would feel like that.

Edited 2023-04-16 18:23 (UTC)

[ Your brazen lack of shame is going to be the death of him.

Thankfully Allen's head doesn't explode, and in fact he lifts his head up and looks at him so plainly and directly at that it's deadpan shades of "really?" But it's brief and fades. One of these days... ]

[ Still, he's expecting it this time to a degree when he leans in to set his mouth against his throat, but since he'd just said fire he was expecting heat, not cold and gasps lightly for it. Shivers, but quickly refocuses on Shouto with an expression that's much softer and more serious. ]

I know. [ Not that that was why he kissed him like that initially, although realizing it now it's actually really smart and a little amazing, but what he was asking. And he reaches for Shouto's hand with his, bringing it up between them so he brush his lips lightly against his knuckles. ]

I'm saying it's okay. That's part of who you are too, isn't it? [ His grey eyes flick up more strongly to Shouto's then, and he drops his hand so he can lean up to kiss his brow faintly. Beginning a rain of gossamer, impossibly fond kisses across his face as it's one of his favorite things to do. Patient and sweet. ]

When you first kissed me... it was with fire and ice too. [ Nose. ] Even if that was for a different reason that became too much. [ Cheek. ] But I still love that kiss, [ jaw ] not just because it was the first one.

It's also one of my favorites because it's so authentically you.

[ Lips. And he lingers there, softly in a very faint, sweet graze of a kiss before he pulls back to look at him. Allen's eyes brighten however, subtly but with a noticeably more lively spark, and he bumps Shouto's nose lightly with his own as his mouth curves in a playful smile. ]

But I might kiss you back a lot because of it.

Edited 2023-04-16 18:56 (UTC)

[ There is no shame. Maybe that's why he has no trouble holding that gaze, even if he doesn't understand it, less so when Allen starts kissing him. His eyes fall shut, feeling a flutter of warmth at the pit of his stomach at the shower of kisses across his face.

You're very distracting. He wants to say, mouth parting open when that reminder stops him mid-thought.

He couldn't restrain himself back then, and as a consequence, he tried to shut down his quirk whenever they were together. It worked until he realized throttling it only made it harder to control, forcing him to keep his head on straight when Allen made the feat increasingly more difficult as time went on.

Even as he listens, his words spark a realization that has him pulling back enough to look at Allen with a mix of hesitant interest. ]

Do you... like it? [ He asks. ] When I use my quirk?

[ Pot, kettle. You were so distracting before with your icyhot mouth on his throat he can't recall even now what they had been talking about. Not that he's complaining, mind you.

But that question makes Allen smile, a small little quirk of one that curves his mouth. He brushes some of Shouto's hair back and out of his face; expression softens at feeling the numb sort of chill tingle where he'd kissed him before. ]

That's what I've been trying to say. [ It's a softer, a low whisper. Just watching him as he continues to comb his fingers through his hair lovingly while laying against him in such a content manner. It bares the bloodstone cuff on his ear in the process, and runs his finger lightly along it as his eyes rest on the starburst pattern there.

Even putting aside what he had been embarrassed about before... ]

Maybe especially because I like being able to feel even closer to you because of it, too.

Edited 2023-04-16 19:48 (UTC)

[ Stunned. Shouto stares at him as if seeing him for the first time. His cheeks flush as heat pours out of him in waves. He knows - Of course, he knows! - Allen's feelings for him. But this... it's the first time he's understood his part in their dance. ]

Is it... distracting?

[ He asks. Shouto-speak for something he's starting to uncover, and unknown to Allen, more rides on that single question than he can understand.]

Edited 2023-04-16 20:11 (UTC)

[ Distracting? Allen blinks, caught offguard by yes, that, but moreso by and utterly amazed by the bright flush and spike in warmth. Why are you looking at him like that while asking him that?

He flushes a bit too, tongue-tied as he realizes why that might be, before he bites the inside of his lip lightly and smiles. Gaze flickering aside somewhat bashfully for a moment, before he meets Shouto's awe-touched stare again. ]

Only in a good kind of way. [ Something he admits softly and fondly, if a little shyly. ]

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